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Linux Software

Linux Advocates Riot on MS Front Steps 88

Posted by CmdrTaco from the grab-your-gas-mask dept.
An anonymous reader sent us a link to a startling article where you can read the horrific account of Linux Users Rioting Outside Microsoft's Silicon Valley Headquarters. The article shows graphic pictures of Linux Users being dragged off by the police, as well as burning of MSN CDs. I thought such violence was limited to Mighigan State basketball fans.
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Linux Advocates Riot on MS Front Steps More

Linux Advocates Riot on MS Front Steps

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  • I was there..... IS THIS BETTER? ~@~ (Score:1)

    by Anonymous Coward
    In an announcement that has stunned the computer industry, Ken Thompson,
    Dennis Ritchie and Brian Kernighan admitted that the Unix operating
    system and C programming language created by them is an elaborate prank
    kept alive for over 20 years. Speaking at the recent UnixWorld Software
    Development Forum, Thompson revealed the following:

    "In 1969, AT&T had just terminated their work with the GE/Honeywell/AT&T
    Multics project. Brian and I had started work with an early release of
    Pascal from Professor Niklaus Wirth's ETH labs in Switzerland and we
    were impressed with its elegant simplicity and power. Dennis had just
    finished reading 'Bored of the Rings', a National Lampoon parody of the
    Tolkien's 'Lord of the Rings' trilogy. As a lark, we decided to do
    parodies of the Multics environment and Pascal. Dennis and I were
    responsible for the operating environment. We looked at Multics and
    designed the new OS to be as complex and cryptic as possible to maximize
    casual users' frustration levels, calling it Unix as a parody of
    Multics, as well as other more risque allusions. We sold the terse
    command language to novitiates by telling them that it saved them
    typing.

    Then Dennis and Brian worked on a warped version of Pascal, called 'A'.
    'A' looked a lot like Pascal, but elevated the notion of the direct
    memory address (which Wirth had banished) to the central concept of the
    language. This was Dennis's contribution, and he in fact coined the term
    "pointer" as an innocuous sounding name for a truly malevolent
    construct.

    Brian must be credited with the idea of having absolutely no standard
    I/O specification: this ensured that at least 50% of the typical
    commercial program would have to be re-coded when changing hardware
    platforms. Brian was also responsible for pitching this lack of I/O as a
    feature: it allowed us to describe the language as "truly portable".

    When we found others were actually creating real programs with A, we
    removed compulsory type-checking on function arguments. Later, we added
    a notion we called "casting": this allowed the programmer to treat an
    integer as though it were a 50kb user-defined structure. When we found
    that some programmers were simply not using pointers, we eliminated the
    ability to pass structures to functions, enforcing their use in even the
    Simplest applications. We sold this, and many other features, as
    enhancements to the efficiency of the language. In this way, our prank
    evolved into B, BCPL, and finally C. We stopped when we got a clean
    compile on the following syntax:

    for (;P("\n"),R-;P("|"))for(e=3DC;e-;P("_"+(*u++/8)%2) )P("|"+(*u/4)%2);

    At one time, we joked about selling this to the Soviets to set their
    computer science progress back 20 or more years.

    Unfortunately, AT&T and other US corporations actually began using Unix
    and C. We decided we'd better keep mum, assuming it was just a passing
    phase. In fact, it's taken US companies over 20 years to develop enough
    expertise to generate useful applications using this 1960's
    technological parody. We are impressed with the tenacity of the general
    Unix and C programmer. In fact, Brian, Dennis and I have never ourselves
    attempted to write a commercial application in this environment.

    We feel really guilty about the chaos, confusion and truly awesome
    programming projects that have resulted from our silly prank so long
    ago."

    Dennis Ritchie said: "What really tore it (just when ADA was catching
    on), was that Bjarne Stroustrup caught onto our joke. He extended it to
    further parody, Smalltalk. Like us, he was caught by surprise when
    Nobody laughed. So he added multiple inheritance, virtual base classes,
    and later ... templates. All to no avail. So we now have compilers that
    can compile 100,000 lines per second, but need to process header files
    for 25 minutes before they get to the meat of "Hello, World".

    Major Unix and C vendors and customers, including AT&T, Microsoft,
    Hewlett-Packard, GTE, NCR, and DEC have refused comment at this time.
    Borland International, a leading vendor of object-oriented tools,
    including the popular Turbo Pascal and Borland C++, stated they had
    suspected this for a couple of years. In fact, the notoriously late
    Quattro Pro for Windows was originally written in C++. Philippe Kahn
    said: "After two and a half years programming, and massive programmer
    burn-outs, we re-coded the whole thing in Turbo Pascal in three months.
    I think it's fair to say that Turbo Pascal saved our bacon". Another
    Borland spokesman said that they would continue to enhance their Pascal
    products and halt further efforts to develop C/C++.

    Professor Wirth of the ETH institute and father of the Pascal, Modula 2
    and Oberon structured languages, cryptically said "P.T. Barnum was
    right." He had no further comments.
  • just ignore me. If this message works right, moderator undo is functioning. In other words, if a moderator posts a comment, all their activity as a moderator is *whoosh* undone.
    Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda
    Pants are Optional
  • just ignore me. If this message works right, moderator undo is functioning. In other words, if a moderator posts a comment, all their activity as a moderator is *whoosh* undone. Take 2
    Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda
    Pants are Optional
  • Take 4
    Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda
    Pants are Optional
  • Take 666
    Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda
    Pants are Optional
  • I think so...
    Rob "CmdrTaco" Malda
    Pants are Optional
  • Posted by linuxincompetent:

    We are allegedly some of the smarter people on this planet(by the dubious achievement of being able to plug in cords into computer and type...and careing about what OS we use ) ,

    so why should they think we are that gullible...
    The pictures needed much work
  • Posted by sideb0ard:

    'sheeeit, Linux? I run Red Hat on my linux box"
    that cracks me up, some mean-ass biker fiend from Hell going home and doin some open source codin'!

  • is it? (Score:1)

    by Tom ( 822 )
    I haven't seen the details yet, but if it was a joke, I fell for it, hook and sinker.

    though I don't think it's funny. not sure if I'd be able to make a joke about it when my domain and hobby get threatened.
  • I sometimes do feel the urge to go rioting at MS HQ.
  • That would certainly be a good joke if it was. Course, I guess a lot of people already thought it was a hoax. Now, coincidentially Segfault, Userfriendly, AND BeDope all go down on the same day... April 1st?

  • Humor? (Score:1)

    by drsoran ( 979 )
    Oh come on now.. just because you use Linux doesn't mean you aren't allowed to have a sense of humor.

  • Brick (Score:1)

    by mholve ( 1101 )
    I got a brick with Bubba's name on it...

    Damn, where are my molitov's...

  • You set 'em up... then you knock 'em down...
    All good pranks have a good set up.

    -Virgil
    --
  • It's a poor attempt at an April Fool's...

    They took a bunch of riot footage from something like CNN and edited in the "Linuxhead" touches to it- worse, they did a sloppy job of it, as it looked edited in with something like GIMP or Photoshop.

    Don't waste your time on this one.
  • This is so funny.....


    Good one guys.... Imagine if zdnet or cnn picks up on this??

    I'll pass this on to some of my non-slashdot reading friends and see what their reactions are...
  • If you live in NY:

    On my way to work today, I heard on the radio (Z100) that there would be a sneek prevue of Star wars: Phantom Menace. (they said to check your local theaters) I got excited for minute but then I looked at my pager I remembered it's April 1st....
  • Oh, come on guys. You can do better than that.
  • Usually I get up at 7:00 PST and just jump to my comp half asleep. I couldnt beleive my eyes when I read this thing. :-)

    I was like...wtf!

    Now I am awake.

    The coolest part was

    " This dude, the meanest, most evil-looking dude I ever saw in my life looks at me and says
    'sheeeit, Linux? I run Red Hat on my linux box" and nods to the dude next to him. Turns out that the chief enforcer for the gang had met Linus
    Torvalds at Sturgis way back years ago. Linus turned him on to Red Hat, and he's been writing GNU software ever since.""

  • I hope it is all a big April Fool's joke...of course, they have been building up to it for too long for it to be a really funny April fools' joke
  • oh gawd lordddy..

    can you imagine if one the editors for zdnet or cnet or some other online news guru thingy picked up this, as well as the other april fools' article

    quite an elaborate joke ..
    Linus to leave for Russia..
    shutting down userfriendly
    killing of be dope and
    segfault.. though that was a few days ago.
    rioting in seattle (nice graphics by the way =))
    then having Metalabs tag along this one
    MetaLab Presents

    April, 1999


    NOTICE: Due to Linus Torvald's imminent departure from
    the US and the upcoming release of Windows 2000, we
    will begin systematically deleting our entire Linux archive
    over the next week and replace it with a new mirror of
    www.download.com. Download all the free software you
    can now before it's all gone!

    hahahaha real cute Rob.. did you orchestrate this whole elaborate prank.. cuz DAMNNNNNNN

    ahh well, if we can't get everyone to dress in monkey costumes, I suppose this is the next best thing..

    Geeks have a style babyyyyy.. style.. that's what it's all about..

    LOL

    me thinks me should avoid slashdot on Apr 1st NEXT year..


    ---

    /me always the paranoid
  • Oh.. In othernews...

    Redhat software would be hiring ERS as a replacement for it's current president. This was followed by a shocking statement yesterday by the software mini-giant about the removal of all GNU software from their premeier product.

    The new licence would be BSD and more than 75% of the kernel contriubtors have agreed to let their piece of the kernel be changed to this new liecence. (All these kernel contributors were given mini-jobs at RH and given a status similar to Rastaman). The rest of the kernel would be filled in by Alan Cox, who in other news stated he might rename this new kernel Counix.

    So is it going to be BSD Counix ?

    PS: In othernews, 1000 maintiners of Debian GNU/Linux were found dead after a police raid on thier eastern farm hideaway. It seems like they did the logical thing by taking everyone elses life away. This is the lagest known mass sucicide attemempt in recorded history. RMS was not around to comment on this. Perenes is believed to be dead.
    --
  • settle down beavis, it is a joke.
  • I feel stupid now. I didn't fall for the riot stuff, it was obviously meant to be funny, but I think I fell for the User friendly, Segfault stuff. Either this is a really bad joke, or they've been building this joke for a while now! Me thinks I know why they never named Microsoft, they just implied it!
    Also would explain why there is not a story up yet.

    Alas, the poor souls of the Linux/BSD/occasional MS advocate have been duped! Our trust betrayed, our hearts broken and trampled. Oh the tradegy of it all! May we never trust again.

    Something tells me I should go get some coffee...
  • Argv... I would feel so dumb if the userfriendly and segfault were just jokes.

    --MD--
  • Because they (rioters) expected that MS will make some sort of statement like: "MSWindows is an excellent OS, far superior and user-friendly than Linux", and since it will be the Folls day, no one would believe MS.

    That's just my hypothesis.

    AtW,
    http://www.investigatio.com [investigatio.com]
  • If only the man hadn't made them take segfault down
  • That's one of the funnier April Fools' jokes I've seen in a long time, excellent piece of work!
  • HAHAHA!

    This article is an excellent piece of work!

    I especially like the part about the radio at the end. Toilet paper square... never thought about that. I suppose it could work...

    Nice pictures, too.

  • this is a fscking joke.... a phoney..... a gig.... a made up contrived story..... i mean, its RATHER obvious that they just tweaked w/ images to get it, and that the story is only meant as recreation and fun.....


    Mtn Dewd
  • and this with Segfault and UF being shutdown all of a sudden.

    Methinks an attempt at a April fools joke might be going on here :)

    Nice try Rob, Illiad and Scott
  • That Michigan State comment hurt. Being attacked in my "home" - Slashdot. Oh well, the idiots that were out doing that crap deserve what they get. Hey I was all boozed up after we lost and a 1/4 mile from burning cars... I personally thought it was funner to flip on my Sega Dreamcast and play a little Sega Rally2, not ALL of us are morons.
  • Is it coincidence that UserFriendly is down?
    Is there _really_ an injuction againgst Illiad, or is that an Fool on us, too.
    I'm hoping... because I miss DustPuppy.
    (http://www.userfriendly.org/)

  • It's no joke (Score:3)

    by Nrrpf ( 17360 ) on Thursday April 01, 1999 @06:24AM (#1954138)
    Believe me that riot is no April joke. I did a long travel from Germany just to participate in the riot.

    I am really astonished by the incredible violance applied by US police against peaceful rioters.

    While I was heavily beaten by some heavily armed men - will post detailed GIFs of my bruises later - I am rather sure that I spotted Bill G. observing us with a happy and, frankly, frightening satiesfied grin. Friends of mine reported that he was shouting "Beat 'em! Beat 'em hard!" all the time.

    Uh huh.

  • I liked the story, but wouldn't it have been much scarier to have had a mock Microsoft Linux distibution article.. That'd scare a few.
  • Yeah.. I noticed some wonderful hand craft of adobe or gimp in there.. Like the guy running w/ a linux poster I think was from Rodney King's riot..
  • Ah, April 1st, gotta love it. Too bad whoever did this was trying way to hard to be The Onion.

    Say, I wonder if The Onion will post REAL news on its site today? Wouldn't that be a laugh!

    -B

  • If you look very closely the picture of the guys pushing the dumpster into the fire is from the good 'ol street riots at Purdue University on March 29th, 1999.

    If your doubting, compare with this gallery [purdue.edu].
  • It's probably not a joke. It just seems like shutting down the sites would be a little far to go. Also, faking a MS lawsuit would be reason for MS to file an actual lawsuit. I just hope their lawyers can argue freedom of speech fast enough, so I can read segfault and UF again.
  • More Realistic?? Who Cares!!??

    "The even put a stuffed penguin in my chair..."
    "Sheeeit, Linux!"

    I haven't laughed that good at April Fools since I was a kid. :-)

    Vlad Drac
  • Awww c'mon, you've gotta come up with something better than that... :) I looked at the page but wasn't even fooled for a second.
  • have a look at
    http://lwn.net/daily :-)
  • were you?

    Can't anyone coin something more realistic before the day is up?
  • Is anything actually a real story today? I loved the rioting at Microsoft! Very nice.
  • where is Gandi when we need him?

    agents of M$ have infiltrated the upper
    command of Linux!

    they provoked this attack to bring down
    Linux!

    trust noone in any user group

    break up into 'cells', decentralize your
    command structure!

    watch your backs people, Willie has eyes everywhere!

    and remember, this day only comes one a year
    so enjoy!
  • Might be wrong (it's a weird angle) but if that isn't Dave Miller talking to the police guy, it really looks like him. I thought this was really really funny: I loved the bit at the end about "model prisoners... they built a crude but listenable radio from a lightbulb, a crayon, a square of toilet paper and a rock. They say they'll have Linux on it by next week. I'll hate to see them go."

    Rioter number 36. Apparently.

  • ahahah
    that rocks :)
    'tis one of the funniest things I've seen for a long time, the only thing missing from those pics was a battering ram :)

    cyas
  • Scott has been talking about the legal problems at Segfault for several weeks. If it weren't 4/1, I would have no reason to doubt that the legal letters to Scott and Illiad are for real.
  • "'sheeeit, Linux? I run Red Hat on my linux box"
    Well done, at least worthy of the Onion.
  • Cops always seem to thing they are so special. Beating up on (basically) helpless geeks, just because they start breaking a few windows. Stories like this always make my blood boil and ache for the days when cops were good and nice.

    At least linux is catching on in the biker community.

  • Why today ? (Score:3)

    by pixelbeat ( 31557 ) <P@draigBrady.com> on Thursday April 01, 1999 @05:33AM (#1954157) Homepage
    Why did they pick today to riot ?
    Surely they know that most people
    will think that news of this will
    be April fools ?
  • I hope to hell that that is an April-1 joke and Iliad will be back tomorrow. If not, who killed cock robin?
  • Rob, As mush as I respect your great efforts, you are statying up way to late. YOu spelled michigan wrong!! Go to sleep.
  • Ok, I too think that the whole riot nonsense that took place on MSU's campus was dumb. But heck, you had to be stupid to think that nothing was going to happen. The weekend prior there was a riot because State made it to the final four. Even so I am not a NT boot licker and I still don't like the comment about State. I feel MSU is a good school. And I not only support State, I am a student. :)

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