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Distro Taste Test - Linux and Beer 229

Posted by michael from the mad-max dept.
An anonymous reader writes "Those Aussies are mad!!! Linux is an international phenomenon, drawing in developers and users from all over the globe. This diversity is reflected in the enormous number of flavours (or distributions) it is available in. This cornucopia of names reminds me of nothing so much as the world of beer. I thought it would be entertaining to look for parallels between some notable distros and the beers of the world."
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Distro Taste Test - Linux and Beer More

Distro Taste Test - Linux and Beer

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  • Linux beer? (Score:5, Funny)

    by spydir31 ( 312329 ) * <[hastur] [at] [hasturkun.com]> on Sunday August 31, 2003 @07:13AM (#6837601) Homepage
    You can keep your Yellow Dog beer to yourself, thanks

    • Re:Linux beer? (Score:4, Funny)

      by imtheguru ( 625011 ) on Sunday August 31, 2003 @07:38AM (#6837684)
      Fine then, i will!
      [continues to drink the Fosters.]
    • And what have having sex on a boat and american beer in common?

      They're both fucking close to water... ;)
      • ERROR:... I disagree, as I should with most of these. So here's my list:

        MS Windows: Coors lite (win95) , Michilob Ultra, (win98), Miller Lite (winNT); High Life (WinXP) ; Kiri Irchih (yes, made by bud..:( ) (win2k) ; Bud (winXP)

        Red Hat : Heinikin. (How Could they POSSIBLY say Guniess?!) Redhat isn't that good. And, there are a lot of people who can't stand the nectar of the gods (Guiness), but will guzzle heines all day.

        Debian: guiness or bass, depending on install. Black and Tan also possible with the r
        • SCO: Draino. :)

          hahahahah funny shit man.

          im not usually a spelling nazi but its grok not groc.
        • High Life (WinXP)

          Not sure I'd say that, as what makes High Life great is that it's the best cheap 'merican beer out there ($4 for a 6-pack at my local packie), though Pabst Blue Ribbon is pretty close.

          WinXP isn't cheap, and isn't that good.

          Are you living the High Life?

          • "WinXP isn't cheap, and isn't that good." Agreed.

            I don't think I can ever consider drinking HighLife, or any other such stuff. If I'm going cheap, I'll go dergies. If not, I'll go with Flying Dog, Sam Adams, or something non american.

            It's ammazing how lack of the desire to spell correctly effects your moderations. :)

      • Re:Linux beer? (Score:2, Interesting)

        by ncc74656 ( 45571 )

        And what have having sex on a boat and american beer in common?

        Here's a quarter, kid...go buy yourself a clue. Better yet, go get some Arrogant Bastard [arrogantbastard.com] and proceed to remove yourself from the gene pool, like the two unworthies in the cartoon.

        Just because Bud/Miller/Coors are pisswater says nothing about real American beer. Would you judge other countries' beer by the swill from their megabreweries?

  • haha, next we'll see australian sites making parallels between linux and the crocodile hunter. doesnt do much for our racial stereotype, but hey - cheers and beers for all!

  • mmm red hat (Score:5, Funny)

    by tolldog ( 1571 ) on Sunday August 31, 2003 @07:17AM (#6837612) Homepage Journal
    So having a glass of Red Hat on the way to your systems administration job isn't so bad any more...
    "I was studying up... honest."

    • From the parent: So having a glass of Red Hat on the way to your systems administration job isn't so bad any more...
      "I was studying up... honest."

      From the article: Smooth and creamy Guinness, easy to drink with the weight of stout flavour behind it complements an easy to install Red Hat with the weight of corporate approval in the background.

      Just what I want to be doing-- drinking Guiness while I install RedHat on a mission-critical Oracle-based application.

      We all know how easy to install Oracle is..

  • I'd compare this article with the head on top. (Score:5, Funny)

    by Limburgher ( 523006 ) on Sunday August 31, 2003 @07:23AM (#6837631) Homepage Journal
    It's light and fluffy, providing no real substance, but, like with the head on a Guiness, is not only a definitive part of the experience but an excellent place to write your initial.

    L

  • Nope, sorry, have to disagree.

    Slackware is more like Guinness (extra stout, not the draught), in the 'slap upside the head' kinda way.

    I would put Red Hat somewhere around Caffery's Ale, smooth and pleasing to the palate.
    • No, Newcastle Brown. Real easy to drink, gives you a good time, and leaves you with a pounding headache and a lot of regret the next day. Although the Slack/Guiness thing is about right.
    • I can see red hat as Guinness..

      I mean Guiness is dark and mysterious and the bubbles go the wrong way...

      no wait your right, that sounds more like slackware...
    • Slackware is more like Guinness (extra stout, not the draught), in the 'slap upside the head' kinda way.

      I'll second that. (and I also prefer the extra stout most of the time, even though the stuff we get here is now brewed in Canada) However, Slackware is actually a home-brewed Irish style stout.

      It's been a few years, but IIRC...

      Mash the following grains to produce about 6 gallons of wort:

      7.5 pounds of pale malt. (preferably British or Belgian 2-row)
      1 pound of roasted, unmalted barley. Dark black stu
  • If Windows is like Budweiser, does that make Lindows parallel to Bud Lite?
    • CE is bud light...i'd put Lindows as Schlitz Malt Liqour or something...
      • hehe. Indeed. Retains all the bad stuff, and tries to act like that's the good stuff.

        Perhaps even, "Old English 800," bka "8 Ball."

        I think the malt liquor experience is lost outside the US...
    • There are some really nice budweisers from the Czech republic, and often they are available on draught or in bottles in UK pubs. (I much prefer them to the American Budweiser brand, although that's OK on a hot day when there's no other cold lager available.)

      Budvar [bottledbeer.co.uk] is very nice, and a pleasant surprise if you haven't tried it before.

      • Budvar is very nice, and a pleasant surprise if you haven't tried it before.

        It's starting to become available in the US under the name Czechvar. Decent stuff, but they had to change the name because the Microsoft of Brewing [anheuser-busch.com] wouldn't let them use their real name. Never mind that Budvar's been around longer...

  • from the mad-max dept.

    What the hell...? Oh, wait, I think I just got it.

    Those Aussies are mad!!!

    Okay, Aussies, Mel Gibson, Mad-Max.

    That was dumb.

    • Re:bah? (Score:2, Interesting)

      by Zilch ( 138261 )
      Mel Gibson was born in the USA. Nicole Kidman was born in Hawaii. Russel Crow was born in New Zealand.

      Zilch.
  • Piss and anti freeze.

  • VB (Score:3, Funny)

    by Unominous Coward ( 651680 ) on Sunday August 31, 2003 @07:27AM (#6837641)
    Luckily VB doesn't have a parallel in the Linux world.

  • No French Beers?!? (Score:2, Insightful)

    by apdt ( 575306 )
    From the article...

    ....character of it's home country of France. Sadly, good. well-known beer is a little thin on the ground there, so we will borrow from neighbouring Belgium to complement Mandrake.

    Have these people never heard of Stella Artois or Kronenbourg 1664

    I can only pity them if that's the case.
    • I think Stella is a Belgium beverage. But yes Kronenbourh, a favourite of mine, is definetly French. Having said that, the best beer in the world is clearly Leffe. Absolutely beautiful stuff.
    • FWIW Stella Artois is Belgian. Helps to make the point really...

    • And what about La Chouffe?

      And I was expecting RedHat to be compared to a red beer, like Rickard's Red and the likes.

      And shouldn't be Corona instead of Budweiser. Because, I'm very sorry for those guys brewering the Budweiser, but they are just most selling beer in the USA, not around the world. Corona, the mexican beer, is the most selling beer around the world.

      All this to notice Australia is not having a much great choice of beers...

      And they should open much more their market!

    • Fischer la Belle does alright. Slightly floral, good nose. Not too filling. They also do a bitter.

    • Have these people never heard of Stella Artois or Kronenbourg 1664

      I have. You can keep 'em.

  • Imagine if the analogy went further: (Score:5, Funny)

    by Sylvius ( 670730 ) on Sunday August 31, 2003 @07:30AM (#6837657)
    Bud would cost $100 for a sixer, while they'd be passing out pints of Guiness on the street for free. Oh imagine the joy!
  • While many parallels may be drawn, beer tends to increase a geeks chance of finding a woman. Linux, unfortunately, does the opposite.

  • Homer: "hmmm something special about this Red Tick beer!"

    ...meanwhile in Red Tick brewery...

    Brewer tastes beer.

    Brewer: "Hmm needs more dog."

  • Any article about beer that fails to refer to the culmination of hundreds of years of brewery, experimentation, blind luck and dedicated alcoholism known as "Palm Speciale" (or Heineken, which tastes great too and allows me to live on with both kidneys when consuming large quantities) is as immoral an unethical as things could possibly get, a true crime against humanity! Eris bless the Belgians for this fine contribution to the world! Also, some BSDs make for excellent beer comparisons; such as OpenBSD and

    • ...than to say that Heineken is, as far as I'm concerned, the best readily available "mass market" beer here in the US. There are plenty of imports, microbrews, and less popular beers to be had, and certainly several of them (Rolling Rock and Shiner Bock, to be sure) are worthy of mention when it comes to taste. But nothing beats a Heineken in terms of quality versus price.

      To all Slashdotters who think that a six-pack of Bud Light is the way to achieve Zen each night, try buying a six-pack of Heinekens ton
      • Fat Tire [newbelgium.com] is the real best American beer. I think that most beers taste like crap, but Fat Tire actually tastes good. Gets you intoxicated really fast too!

        This small company [newbelgium.com] has other good beers. Check them out.
      • Heineken? Don't you have Stella over there? If you give me 10 Heinekens for free or 1 Stella for $ 10, I'd choose the Stella any day.
  • The obvious parallel is between homebrew beer and Linux From Scratch [linuxfromscratch.org].

    Actually, LFS is a little more like buying a "make beer at home" kit than true homebrew, but that's a minor nit...

    • If Gentoo is homebrew then LFS is more like a farmer who first grows his own hop and afterwards brew his own beer...
      • And I guess the folk who eschew LFS as being for wussies and write all of their startup scripts from scratch would be like a farmer who invents dirt before he can plow it.

        KFG
  • Australia needs their own distro patterned after Foster's beer. The best part is we could have the Crocodile hunter [crocodilehunter.com] do the endorsements. Imagine a commercial where we dress him up as a penquin and have him battle Micro$haft Crocs - Crikeey and that Croc has a bad case of worms...

    • Fosters IS NOT AUSTRALIAN!!

      Australians do not drink Fosters. Fosters has this great marketing campaign overseas that makes everyone think Fosters = Australian. It doesn't damn it!

      Try VB off the tap or Carlton Draught for a nice beer from Austrlia. If you are feeling fancy you can even have a Crown.

      Mmm VB...
      In fact, I think I'll have one now
      • Fosters IS NOT AUSTRALIAN!!

        Not true... When I was in Brisbane I saw the Foster's factory with my own eyes. Actually, I am still trying to figure out how I could use someone else's eyes.
      • Parent is true - nobody I know drinks Fosters in Australia. Not even my dad, and he's even less cool than me.

        Fosters is the crap we send to the rest of the world, and you'd better believe we keep the good stuff to ourselves ;->
    • They either drink VB (Victoria Bitter) or their local state offering.

      Meaning the NSWelsh that don't drink VB either drink Toohey's New or Resches Pilsener. Queenslanders that don't drink VB drink either Castlemaine 4X or Powers Bitter. South Aussies that don't drink VB drink that disgusting Southark Ale shit. Etc, etc, etc, in regards the rest of the states.

      Me I drink Tooheys on hot summer days & Coopers for serious beer drinking.

      • Re:Aussie don't drink Fosters (Score:4, Informative)

        by AtrN ( 87501 ) on Sunday August 31, 2003 @02:40PM (#6840017) Homepage
        Coopers for serious beer drinking

        Mate, you're not supposed to tell the foreigners about Coopers! They'll take it all. Now keep 'em distracted with talk of VB, New, XXXX, etc...

        PS. Tassie beers - Boag's and Cascade - aren't half bad and Hahn is okay too.

        • Mate, you're not supposed to tell the foreigners about Coopers!

          We have it here in Vegas...haven't gotten around to trying it yet, though. Seems like that cat's already out of the bag.

        • For those who are interested, the Cooper's website [coopers.com.au], complete with dubiosu flash intro.

          I'm pretty sure you can get Cooper's outside Australia, as a friend of mine in Canada drinks it.

          If you have a choice, I recommend the Cooper's premium (which tastes like apricots and seawater) and the Cooper's vintage (which is cellared like wine and released in small limited edition runs every few years). Yum.
      • Umm... in SA we don't drink VB because we hate Vics. You either drink West End or Coopers. People who think they're too cool for SA drink other brands, but I guess Southwark is acceptable since it's the same mob as West End (which is like rust compared to a Coopers)
  • If you are drinking Australian Beer outside of Australia then you really can't judge the good ones. Generally, it's the crap that gets exported. There are a lot of really good domestic beers that don't get exported. James Squire springs to mind as one.

    Tp.
    • Same problem in the U.S., though I somehow doubt that most foreign countries allow us to export Bud or Coors, as it would probably be seen as an act of war. There are hundreds (probably thousands, but I don't drink that much beer) of great micro and mid-size breweries, probably few if any of which export to foreign countries (okay, maybe to Canada, but I mean foreign countries, not just other countries).

      • Both Bud and Coors do brisk business in Europe (which is depressing in it's way). That's to say nothing of the extent to which the beer industry is globalized.

        For instance the main mass-produced beer in the UK is Carling, which is owned by Coors. Anheuser-Busch owns a number of European brewers, as well.

        Of course, SAB from South Africa owns Miller and the related brands and Interbrew (Belgian, IIRC) owns Labatts, Dos Equis, and Rolling Rock. There's also a major Indian brewer, whose name I forget, th

    • James Squire's is absolutely the worst beer from the southern hemisphere that's I've ever had the misfortune to taste. Damn that stuff was horrible.

      Maybe they just ship the bad Squire's out of country, just like Lowenbrau and Carlsberg do...
  • I am very glad someone took this cognitive step. At last I can strike another item from the list of things in my life that are NOT related to Guiness. Mmmmmmmm Guiness...
  • Aussie beer lovers wonder where Coopers [coopers.com.au] and James Squire [maltshovel.com.au] are.

    Anyone sick of Foster's [should happen with the first glass], give these a go.
  • To carry this comparison further I guess the Norwegian "Skolelinux" project should map onto some Norwegian beer.

    These beers are generally made according to the Purity Law, and since Skolelinux is based on Debian, the same arguments as the article already put forth about HefeWeiss should apply here as well.

    The big question would be which of the beers? All the ones I know have their fans and foes ...

    I will therefore unilaterally claim that the beer in question should be Frydenlund Bokkol!

  • It's been done before (Score:4, Funny)

    by syraq ( 224384 ) on Sunday August 31, 2003 @08:21AM (#6837815) Homepage
    By accident I came across this only a few hours ago. Apparently it was written before Win 95 was released.

    If Operating Systems Were Beers...

    DOS Beer:
    Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.

    Mac Beer:
    At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan.

    Windows 3.1 Beer:
    The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for apparently no reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.

    OS/2 Beer:
    Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode when you open them, even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer Manufacturing) claims that 9 million six-packs have been sold.

    Windows 95 Beer:
    You can't buy it yet, but a lot of people have taste-tested it and claim it's wonderful. The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.

    Windows NT Beer:
    Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company promises to change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer's - after Windows 95 beer starts shipping. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and suggested only for use in bars.

    Unix Beer:
    Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to 64 oz. Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have to have your own can opener around for those occasions, in which case you either need a complete set of instructions, or a friend who has been drinking Unix Beer for several years.

    AmigaDOS Beer:
    The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been picked up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an import. This beer never really sold very well because the original manufacturer didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer fans are an extremely loyal and loud group. It originally came in a 16-oz. can, but now comes in 32-oz. cans too. When this can was originally introduced, it appeared flashy and colorful, but the design hasn't changed much over the years, so it appears dated now. Critics of this beer claim that it is only meant for watching TV anyway.

    VMS Beer:
    Requires minimal user interaction, excep
  • I don't know that RHL is the best pairing for Guinness. RH is great and I run it in many places, but I think of it more as the first non-mainstream beer that people try before they dig in and discover how many varieties there really are. Where I live, that's Shiner Bock. Maybe Guinness fits better with OpenBSD: stout, bitter, not to everyone's taste, but if you enjoy it, you almost can't drink anything else.
  • Duff beer? And of course, everybody can see the
    likeness between Steve Ballmer (http://www.fuckedcompany.com/images/dancemonkeybo y.mpeg) and Duffman!!

    (URL posted, not link, out of sympathy for target...)

  • Alternative mapping (Score:3, Interesting)

    by zaad ( 255863 ) on Sunday August 31, 2003 @02:25PM (#6839920)
    Redhat = Samuel Adams [bottledbeer.co.uk]. - Why would anyone with any knowledge of beer pick a brit brew for an American distro? Commonly available and well known. Not the best amber in its class, but certainly deserves (great nose - aromatic hops) to be mentioned on anyone's best ale list.

    Debian = Celis White [bottledbeer.co.uk]. - I'll continue on the wheat beer theme, and this is a great wheat beer. It's hard to get your hands on one. It's cloudy and has yeast on the bottom so it may scare the first timers. But once you get to know it well, you come to love it for its quirkiness.

    Slackware = Anchor Old Foghorn [bottledbeer.co.uk]. - No casual weekend drinker's beer. If this is your first time, order yourself a half-pint. You don't know what you're getting yourself into.

    SuSE = Erdinger Weissbier Dunkel [bottledbeer.co.uk]. - Another wheat beer, but darker and full. Meticulously brewed like the distro. Despite being a great beer, few people in the US will ever try it.

    MacOS = Smirnoff Ice [smirnoffice.com]. - This one's for the hip and groovy image conscious crowd. No one who actually likes beer would ever drink this.

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