Ubuntu 9.04 Released 620
Mohamed Zaian writes "Canonical, the commercial sponsor of Ubuntu, announced today that Ubuntu 9.04 Desktop Edition is free to download from Thursday 23 April. Also announced were the simultaneous releases of Ubuntu 9.04 Server Edition and Ubuntu 9.04 Netbook Remix (UNR). Ubuntu 9.04 Desktop Edition delivers a range of feature enhancements to improve the user experience. Shorter boot speeds, some as short as 25 seconds, ensure faster access to a full computing environment on most desktop, laptop and netbook models. Enhanced suspend-and-resume features also give users more time between charges along with immediate access after hibernation. Intelligent switching between Wi-Fi and 3G environments has been broadened to support more wireless devices and 3G cards, resulting in a smoother experience for most users."
Questions from an 8.10 user (Score:5, Funny)
Does it preload the "Gnome" menu yet, or do you still get that annoying pause when you first click on it?
Does the lovely dark Dusk theme work with Gnome 2.26?
Will it kill off hardware VIA graphics (HP 2133 netbook) like the last kernel upgrade, or does it now handle these properly as a third party binary blob?
Will it give me free beer and hookers?
Re:Happy Ubuntu-Day, everyone! (Score:5, Funny)
Intratube Police: A .torrent? Why, this must be a pirated version of "ooh-bun-too", whatever that is. You, sir or madam, are a CRIMINAL and will be put in jail with RAPISTS and BABY KILLERS!
Re:Obligitory (Score:5, Funny)
Yeah no one cares.
I'm holding out for Ubuntu 10.10 (Score:5, Funny)
Which will undoubtedly be named Masturbating Monkey.
Re:Jaunty (Score:5, Funny)
So the stability of a release is proportional to the campness of the name? Excellent, so the plan is...
1. Create a distro called Fluffy Fairy
2. ???
3. Profit!
Re:Jaunty (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Questions from an 8.10 user (Score:5, Funny)
Will it give me free beer and hookers?
Free as in speech, silly.
Re:Questions from an 8.10 user (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Still the same color scheme (Score:1, Funny)
The software is still shitty, so its almost like it's still brown.
WHAT!!! Ubuntu 9.04 Released? (Score:3, Funny)
You mean the charges didn't stick?
The courts are rigged!
Re:Just installed ... (Score:5, Funny)
newer GCC?
Nope, they just added -O3 to the compile options :)
Microsoft snatches publicity crown from Ubuntu (Score:5, Funny)
In a stunning public relations coup, Microsoft Corporation (NASDAQ: MNPLY) has successfully overshadowed today's release of Ubuntu Linux 9.04 "Jaunty Jubblies" [today.com] by announcing its failed financials for a fourth quarter in a row and laying even more people off.
Microsoft announced new and expanded roles for remaining key executives as another several lesser, losing quitters deserted upper management. "It shows the fantastic opportunity available to everyone at Microsoft to climb seven or eight reporting levels up the org chart," said marketing marketer Steve Ballmer to pitchfork-wielding Wall Street analysts today. "If we haven't laid them off for making too much money or not kissing enough ass."
The Yahoo! deal is expected to go ahead. "We figure they'll go broke before we do. Probably." Mr Ballmer also plans to run the Yahoo! servers on Windows NT rather than FreeBSD after a similar change worked so well at Hotmail. "Some say synergy's another word for two plus two equals one, but you just have to make the value of one work for you."
Windows 7 betas have been greeted with remarkable positive press. "Of course, the betas preview the 'champagne and hookers' edition, which would be way too much for netbooks and explode users' brains. Imagine thinking those little things are computers! So we're releasing what we call Windows 7 Dumbass Edition. It lets you log in and look at the shiny. Even Spider Solitaire has the ribbon toolbar! And you can buy an upgrade to the version that runs programs! It lets you do that!" Dumbass Edition comes with pre-installed viruses to make the computer part of the Storm, Conficker and FBI botnets. "If you can't beat ’em, join ’em."
However, Microsoft has indicated to its press corps, Microsoft Completely Enderlependent Analysts, to ixnay on the evensay and highlight the job openings for work on Windows 8, firmly penciled in for a 2012 release. Windows 8 will be optimised for low-end 32-core systems with a mere 16 gigabytes of memory — 28 cores for the interface, 3 cores for the DRM and one core for everything else. "Seven is just so this year. I hear they'll get $DATABASE_FILESYSTEM done next release for sure!" said ZDNet marketing marketer Mary-Jo Enderle. "It'll be awesome!"
"I'm sure it'll be fine, fine," said Bill Gates, upping his hours at his charitable foundation and scheduling the sale of several more packages of Microsoft stock.
Larry Ellison of Oracle, who recently purchased Sun Microsystems, merely snickered, muttered "Java. OpenOffice." and let out a long and resounding laugh.
Mark Shuttleworth of Canonical, speaking from his castle on a crag high on a mountaintop in west London, was sanguine at Ubuntu's news being overshadowed. "I lost ten million dollars on Ubuntu last year. I'm losing ten million dollars on Ubuntu this year. I expect to lose ten million dollars on Ubuntu next year. At this rate, I'll be broke in ... sixty years."
Re:Obligitory (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Happy Ubuntu-Day, everyone! (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Jaunty (Score:1, Funny)
I heard the name 'Bloated Behemoth' on some sitcom the other day, such an awesome name for the next release.
Re:Questions from an 8.10 user (Score:1, Funny)
Re:Ubuntu is unusable garbage (Score:4, Funny)
"If you like it better than Windows I'll eat my own ass."
I like it better than Windows. Do you need a napkin?
Re:Torrents (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Just installed ... (Score:4, Funny)
Re:You need an adjective, not a verb. (Score:3, Funny)
What about Misspelled Milipede instead?
Re:Still the same color scheme (Score:4, Funny)
Yeah, too bad they don't include any other themes, or any way to change it. Someone should look into that.
Re:Questions from an 8.10 user (Score:5, Funny)
I'm sure there are many people out there who would prefer that their OS gave them free beer and hookers instead of free speech.
Here's the option you're thinking of:
http://www.microsoft.com/ [microsoft.com] :)
The hang over and viruses are included
Re:I'm holding out for Ubuntu 10.10 (Score:2, Funny)
And naturally, this would be followed by 11.10 -- "Orgasming Orangutan".
Re:Obligitory (Score:5, Funny)
No one Kares.
Re:Questions from an 8.10 user (Score:5, Funny)
Unfortunately, he wasn't logged in, so this won't count.
Re:Ubuntu (Score:1, Funny)