The creepiness of a clown is nothing compared to the horror of Rainbow Man. Good luck in therapy, kid.

An Australian man with his penis caught in a pasta sauce jar led police on a 20 km/h car chase. The police found him stopped in a no-stopping zone, and became worried he might have a weapon after noticing he was doing something with his hands in his lap. Instead, they found him partially clothed with his genitals in a jar. After a brief chase, the man was forcibly removed from his car and attempted to continue "pleasuring himself in between bouts of wrestling." You have to admire his resolve. A search of the car uncovered pornography, a home-made sex aid, women's stockings and a Jack Russell terrier.

Having made amazing discoveries such as how to make the perfect cheese sandwich, linking heavy caffeine use to sleeplessness, and figuring out where all the teaspoons have gone, science has made the greatest breakthrough yet. They have uncovered the secrets of making the perfect phone call. The perfect phone call clocks in at a mere 9 minutes and 36 seconds, easily 11 minutes shorter than any conversation I've ever had with my mom. Unlike a call to mom, the perfect phone call is almost devoid of any gossip about her divorced neighbor and her heavily tattooed daughter. Instead three minutes should be spent catching up with news about family and friends, one minute on personal problems, a minute on work/school, 42 seconds on current affairs, 24 seconds on the weather, and 24 seconds talking about the opposite sex. What's left of your 9 mins 36 secs is a free for all.

There are easier ways to get your nicotine fix.

You don't want to see what happens when you add a quarter.

A woman calling herself Susan042764 posted a question on the Apple support forums asking if a "technical glitch" could be responsible for nude photos of her husband she found attached to an email. She wrote,"Please help! I took my husband's iPhone and found a raunchy picture of him attached to an email to a woman in his sent email file. When I approached him about this, he admitted that he took the picture, but says that he never sent it to anyone. He claims that he went to the Genius Bar at the local Apple store and they told him it is an iPhone glitch — that photos sometimes automatically attach themselves to an email address and appear in the sent folder, even though no email was ever sent. Has anyone ever heard of this happening?" Assuming this is true, it has to be one of the lamest excuses ever.

They didn't even notice the new pants he was wearing today.

No, not that kind of sex party, a political party. The Australian Sex Party will be launched in Melbourne on Thursday as an alternative to moral campaigners and prudish politicians. Fiona Patten, who is head of the national adult retail and entertainment lobby group the Eros Association, said the trigger had been the government's decision to place a mandatory filter on the Internet. "This filter actually blacklists any adult site so it means that material which is absolutely legal for an adult to buy in a newsagency in Australia, they will be prohibited from viewing it online," Patten said. I'm not sure how effective they will be, but I'm sure they'll have the best conventions ever.

I think you should get an hour nap time after your lunch break.

This isn't from Star Wars, it's actually my high school wrestling team. We ruled the heavyweight division.

The people of Rhodes will once again be able to gaze upon one of the world's seven ancient wonders with the help of East German artist Gert Hof, and international funding. Like the original, the new Colossus will adorn an outer pier in the harbor area of Rhodes, and be visible to passing ships. Unlike the original Colossus, this one will be made of light. "We are talking about a highly, highly innovative light sculpture, one that will stand between 60 and 100 meters tall so that people can physically enter it," said Dr Dimitris Koutoulas, who is heading the project in Greece. "Although we are still at the drawing board stage, Gert Hof's plan is to make it the world's largest light installation, a structure that has never before been seen in any place of the world."

A one-eyed San Francisco artist, Tanya Vlach, wants to replace her missing eye with a Web cam. There has even been talk of her shooting a reality TV show using the video eye. "There have been all sorts of cyborgs in science fiction for a long time, and I'm sort of a sci-fi geek, with the advancement of technology, I thought, 'Why not?'" said Vlach. I'm a bit perplexed that the obvious things you'd want in a cyborg eye: range finder, infrared/lowlight vision, and a hypno-ray are not discussed in the article.

In case anyone cares "Meh" is now officially a word, big deal.

Nothing is as serious as a rhino driving over your ass.

Karma is going to get you.

Smartcowboy writes "Chances are that you have seen a lightsaber at one time or another, whether on the evening news or down at the local cantina. Therefore you know that a lightsaber is an amazing and versatile device that is able to cut through nearly anything in a matter of milliseconds. Have you ever wondered how these remarkable weapons work? Where does the energy come from, and how are they able to contain that energy in a rod-like column of glowing power? In this article, you will have a chance to look inside a lightsaber and discover the source of its incredible characteristics." I was sure the blade was made from the focused hate and disappointment of the last three movies.

A 13-year-old boy was blown out of his toilet, and through a window by sparking a lighter just moments after spraying the room with air freshener. "I sprayed the toilet because it smelled. Then I began fiddling with a lighter my dad left in there and suddenly there was this big orange whoosh! of flame. I woke up outside with my clothes burned off me and smelling like a barbecue," said Dennis. Remind me to never have barbecue at this kid's house.

Drug dealer Hans Lang escaped his German prison cell by hiding in the laundry room and mailing himself in a giant FedEx box of dirty laundry. He waited until the driver made a stop, at which point he picked the lock on the back of the van and ran off into the woods. A spokesman for police said, "It's the kind of thing people think only happens in films — but in this case it is very real." The mailing-yourself bit is good, but I was always a fan of the giant slingshot out of jail myself.

I'm not sure how this helps fight crime but I'm sure the Germans have figured it out.

Serendipity isn't always pretty.