SCO Says 'Linux Doesn't Exist' 739
4A6F656C writes "In an article on LinuxWorld.com.au, Kieren O'Shaughnessy, director of SCO Australia and New Zealand, details SCO's plans for Australia, stating that they have 'prepared a hit list' and "would approach Australian Linux users to ensure they had an IP licence." In closing, he adds 'Linux doesn't exist. Everyone knows Linux is an unlicensed version of Unix'." UnknowingFool writes "IBM's lawyers have been busy the last few days. Groklaw has reported a number of different filings. On the heels of last week's motions (1) and (2) for summary judgement, they have filed more documents. First, IBM wants large portions of SCO's testimonies striken (removed) on multiple grounds. Deep in the motion, they call out SCO to produce the 'experts' that did the code comparison analysis. If IBM wins on most of these points, SCO will have very little left in the way of legal evidence. SCO answers on IBMs 10th counterclaim. IANAL but from I understand SCO says this copyright infringment that SCO has allegedly committed on one of IBM's patents is irrelevant to the case and the court doesn't need to decide on it. So SCO is saying that they can sue IBM for infringing on their Unix copyrights and patents but IBM can't counter sue on a specific patent. IBM also filed another memo to support summary judgement. As a matter of law, SCO has to produce evidence to backup its claims. This mountain of evidence SCO has claimed all this time: If they don't produce it, the court has to rule in IBM's favor."
They must not! (Score:5, Funny)
May the trend continue... (Score:5, Funny)
and profit forecasters say (Score:5, Funny)
Indeed. (Score:5, Funny)
And for that matter, you guys don't exist when I close my eyes! Neener neener neener!
Doesn't Exist? (Score:5, Funny)
They aren't following the normal pattern (Score:1, Funny)
Weirdness (Score:2, Funny)
Nothing to see here, move along
Edit: they fixed the link. Nevermind. ... like the body or the subject!)
Edit: No they didn't, I'm still getting weird errors
Cat got your tongue? (something important seems to be missing from your comment
excerpt of article (Score:5, Funny)
IBM: What truth?
SCO: There is no Linux.
IBM: There is no Linux?
SCO: Then you'll see that it is not Linux that you're using, it is only SCO Unix Openserver v. 5. And that will be $699 per CPU please or else you'll be hearing from our lawyers.
Rooflez (Score:2, Funny)
IANAL but from I understand SCO
You don't appear to be a writer either.
SCO should hire this guy.... (Score:4, Funny)
Iraqi Information Minister [welovethei...nister.com]
linux doesn't exist? (Score:1, Funny)
Wow ... (Score:4, Funny)
That O'Shaughnessy bloke sure is one heck of a solipsist [wikipedia.org].
More to the story (Score:5, Funny)
Afterwards, he went on to discuss SCO's legal strategy of, "I am rubber, you are glue, what bounces off me sticks to you".
Linux doesn't exist (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Doesn't Exist? (Score:5, Funny)
If Linux doesn't exist... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:They must not! (Score:5, Funny)
And he's right (Score:2, Funny)
It's GNU/Liunx!!!!!!!
When will you people learn?
Regards,
RS
THE Internet meltdown? (Score:2, Funny)
*Waves hand* (Score:2, Funny)
We can go about our business.
Move along.
There you have it. Linux doesn't exist. No need for a law suit then, right?
Contemplating Existence (Score:5, Funny)
Linux computes, therefore it is.
But if SCO falls in a forest of futile legal filings, did it really make a sound or was that just wind breaking?
Also overheard... (Score:2, Funny)
Linux (to SCO): "Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!"
SCO (to AT&T): "Mom, Linux is poking me! Make him stop! Make him stop!"
Does this remind anyone (Score:3, Funny)
They certainly would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for those meddling kids [ibm.com]
Me neither.
Re:Doesn't Exist? (Score:5, Funny)
-N
I'm sorry...
Forgive me D.A. (Score:5, Funny)
"I refuse that Linux exists," says SCO, "for Linux denies Copyrights, and without Copyrights I am nothing."
"But," says Torvalds, "Open Source copyrights are a dead giveaway, aren't they? They could not have evolved by chance. In Linux they exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED."
"Oh dear," says SCO, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.
"Oh, that was easy," says Torvalds, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed at the next zebra crossing.
Most leading software developers claim that this argument is a load of dingo's kidneys, but that didn't stop Oolon Colluphid making a small fortune when he used it as the central theme of his best-selling book, 'Well That About Wraps It Up for SCO.'
Re:This is brilliant (Score:5, Funny)
Almost? In the same way that I'm "almost" alive? It's surely more 'almost' than some of the stuff being produced by the merchents more usually known as Microsoft.
Wow, this is almost a post.
Moderation Results (Score:3, Funny)
Linux doesn't exist. Everyone knows Linux is an unlicensed version of Unix
-1 Troll
Not quite right... (Score:5, Funny)
Small correction: It's GNU/Linux. And GNU's Not Unix.
Re:Misleading Graph (Score:2, Funny)
Third Eye (Score:2, Funny)
In other news... (Score:4, Funny)
Re:IBM's response (Score:4, Funny)
This guy spent thirty seconds writing "What chair?" ?
Re:Misleading Graph (Score:5, Funny)
God: Nietzsche is dead
SCO: Linux is dead.
..a bit later:
Linux: SCO is dead.
Re:May the trend continue... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Backpedalling we a'go... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Backpedalling we a'go... (Score:5, Funny)
Nietzsche's Ghost??? (Score:2, Funny)
Does anyone find this last quote vaguely reminiscent of the writings of the atheist philosopher Nietzsche? This reminds me alot of the popular quote made by him that goes, "God is dead."
"God is dead." --Nietzsche.
"Nietzsche is dead." -- God
Likewise:
"Linux doesn't exist. Everyone knows Linux is an unlicensed version of Unix. " --Sco
"Sco doesn't exist. Everyone knows OpenServer is an unlicensed version of Unix." --Tux
Re:Doesn't Exist? (Score:1, Funny)
instead only try to realize the truth:
There is no linux.
then you'll see it isn't linux that bends, it is only the SCO.
Re:This is brilliant (Score:1, Funny)
Wow. IBM, a company that stretched back 108 years, only built a business in this last 4 years?
Re:There's a lot more on groklaw (Score:5, Funny)
Perhaps if SCO had studied under Pai Mei they wouldn't be in this situation.
Re:and profit forecasters say (Score:2, Funny)
There were other unix workalikes that don't exist (Score:3, Funny)
Then there is Xenix. SCO sold that for years after Microsoft sent it their way. Bill Gates hasn't mentioned Xenix in a long time so it must not exist either.
But if Linux doesn't exist, what was Caldera selling all those years (before it became SCO)?
Re:They must not! (Score:4, Funny)
Re:May the trend continue... (Score:3, Funny)
I'll Pull This Car Over! (Score:5, Funny)
I'm rubber, you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you.
SCO lawyers:
Yeah, well you're all stupid.
IBM lawyers:
I know you are... but what am I.
SCO laywers(amongst themselves):
Damn, that was good one. Do we have anything else? (shuffle through papers) How 'bout "Our dads can beat up your dads"? No. Try this.
SCO laywers(to IBM):
You're mom!
In Other News... (Score:2, Funny)
Jedi Mind Control... (Score:1, Funny)
ME:
SCO:
ME: You can go about you're business...
SCO: You can go about you're business...
ME: Move along...
SCO: Move along, move along...
I was wondering where that guy went.... (Score:5, Funny)
"There is no Linux here!! It is LIES, from the mouth of the evil Stallman!! It is all a Zionist conspiracy against the brave people of Utah! The people are united undet the benevolent and loving rule of Darl McBride, who shall lead us to glorious victory against the heathen penguins!! The infidels shall commit suicide against the walls of our bullshit!!
Every man and boy in Utah is ready to resist the invading horde of penguins with his life! We have held them off, and are slaughtering them like sheep on the shores of our Greeat Salt Lake! There are no Linuxes within Salt Lake City, as we defeat the avian aggressors and drive them from their homes! Our lawyers are mercilessly cutting them down as we speak, any reports of Novell or IBM winning are lies! LIES!!!
SCO is great! Praise be to SCO! There is no UNIX but SCO!!"
Re:Doesn't Exist? (Score:2, Funny)
Better change to solid aluminum hats, or lead foil.
man ioctl (Score:3, Funny)
Meanwhile, back at The North Pole... (Score:4, Funny)
If Santa Claus does not exist, he cannot have possibly invented Linux! I can't wait to submit this new evidence in court!
Re:excerpt of article (Score:5, Funny)
Also reported not to exist (Score:4, Funny)
A need for more than 640k
a Windows Monopoly
HTTP 404 errors
Re:Does IBM's actions buy loyalty? (Score:2, Funny)
Re:I'll Pull This Car Over! (Score:2, Funny)
You're mom!
Do they pronounce the incorrect apostrophe for the full effect? Or do they expand the contraction?
"You are mom!"
AND (Score:5, Funny)
The Darl: - Humph. /root, it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness.
Tux: If I were you, I would hope that we don't meet again.
Re:Backpedalling we a'go... (Score:1, Funny)
Is our lingo outsourced these days too?
Re:Doesn't Exist? (Score:3, Funny)
Damn right. Instead of eliminating mind controlling radio waves and CIA mind snoops, Tin Foil hats have been instead facilitaing the transmission of said waves.
This whole "Linux" thing just proves it. An operating system that has been proved not to exist by the most reputable of sources has infilatrated the personal computers of millions of users worldwide, governments, universities and corporations. Its a travesty I've spoke against tin-foil hats for years, but did anyone listen? No. Now look at the outcome.
Only the benevolent SCO can save you now. Put down your non-soft touch keyboard. Close down emacs-that-isn't and send them a check for $699. They'll sned you a special brainwave shield device codenamed License. Wrap it around your head. Be extra safe and get a second for your genetalia. Its your only hope! They is no time to lose! Your Faraday cages and 1024 bit GPG encryption are shams. Your salvataion lies in SCO!
YOUR SALVATION LIES IN SCO!!
Lets see who's dead... (Score:2, Funny)
linux.org is alive
# ping sco.com
I'll let you know when I get the answer -- if I ever!
Neitzche (Score:5, Funny)
"SCO's case does not exist" --IBM
Coming soon...
"SCO does not exist" --Wall Street
Nah, Linux's virtualisation is better than theirs (Score:4, Funny)
I wrote IDG a nastygram about the article. A copy of it's on the GrokLaw page.
I'm trying to see things from SCO's point of view (Score:5, Funny)
It's an affirmation thing. (Score:2, Funny)
If they tell themselves 12 times a day:
"Linux doesn't exist. Linux doesn't exist...."
It's bound to come true.
Re:Not quite right... (Score:5, Funny)
Look! Someone just discovered recursion!
Re:May the trend continue... (Score:2, Funny)
so darn popular and sexy [ualberta.ca]?
SCO does not exist... (Score:3, Funny)
So now let's sue IBM for..... ONE MILLION DOLLARS!!!
He's right you know (Score:2, Funny)
an unlicensed version of Unix honningsvag 2.6.7-gentoo-r7 #1 Mon Jul 12 18:45:05 CEST 2004 i686 Intel(R) Pentium(R) 4 Mobile CPU 1.80GHz GenuineIntel GNU/an unlicensed version of Unix
Re:Market Value (Score:5, Funny)
IBM: SCO is trying to inflate their stock price while while we deal with their legal issues. Lets use our resources to tie them up in court until Nasdaq kicks them off the exchange, then we can buy up the remains of the company. Oh, and collect a group of people infront of the office. We'll send Daryl a picture of us flipping the bird at him.
Yes! (Score:5, Funny)
br
Re:Misleading Graph (Score:4, Funny)
Of course Linux doesn't exist (Score:1, Funny)
They may be right. (Score:3, Funny)
In the universe, there may be an infinite number of stars which may yield an infinite number of galaxies which may yield an infinite number of solar systems which may yield an infinite number of planets which may yield an infinite number of planets with an infinite number of life-forms.
Since infinity does not exist [in the context of a number system], then we do not exist.
Since we do not exist then Unix was never invented.
Since Humans invented Unix and humans do not exist, Unix was never invented and Linux was never invented.
Therefore, Linux does not exist, as was to be shown.
Awww First Santa and now Linux? (Score:2, Funny)
I think I'm gonna take a nap. Wake me when this is over.
Re:There's a lot more on groklaw (Score:5, Funny)
So what? In another couple of years (Score:3, Funny)
LK
Re:Indeed. (Score:5, Funny)
Would you stop blinking already? I'm sick and tired of fading in and out of existence. Thank you.
Re:Does IBM's actions buy loyalty? (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Market Value, There's hope! (Score:1, Funny)
Re:No Linux works with GNU (Score:2, Funny)
There are plenty of kernels. Very few Linus Torvalds.
Let me guess - he doesn't exist either?
Re:They must not! (Score:3, Funny)
I can just imagine their next lawsuit - It'll based on the premise that since the judge from the last court ruling is no longer in our current frame of reference, he no longer exists.
Re:IBM's response (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Misleading Graph (Score:5, Funny)
"I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing."
"But," says Man, "the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED."
"Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.
"Oh, that was easy," says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed at the next zebra crossing.
Re:There's a lot more on groklaw (Score:1, Funny)
Hell, as stupid as he is, Darl would have done it twice.
Re:Doesn't Exist? (Score:3, Funny)
Remember, the only defenses against rays designed to control carbon-based lifeforms and silicon-based computers are the metals of the same Periodic Table Group -- lead and tin.
Why do you think they've eliminated leaded gas, leaded paint, and anything else with lead under the claim that it'll cause mental defects? Of course they can make anybody protected from their rays appear to be stupid or insane in the eyes of those they can control; the unprotected have their judgments changed by the rays!
Now, while They have mostly eliminated lead from consumer products, you can still get tin-bassed solder at your Wal-Mart or similar stores. Get it, melt it, use it. The mind you save will be your own!
Do not substitute aluminum-based defenses. Aluminum is an amplifier. Why do you think fuel economy standards have been passed for cars? To save gas? No! To make automakers substitute increasing amounts of lightweight mind-ray-amplifying aluminum for heavy steel!
Ever wonder why people who drink lots of cheap beer seem so stupid? Why the government lets soda systematically eat away at the markets for milk and joice? It's simple! Aluminum cans put aluminum into the drink and into the body, making you easier to control!
Remember, there's only one sure defense against mind-control rays -- tin. Get it and use it!
This just in (Score:1, Funny)
Face the Fax (Score:5, Funny)
Darl, Chris and Blake walk into a bar.
The waitress says, "Darl, you have a telegram waiting, its the quarter-end results." Darl happily takes the telegram and tosses it on to the bar's grill, where it bursts into flames.
The waitress comes back and says, "Darl, you have a phone call. Its an industry analyst." Darls walks over to the phone, and while talking, he pivots in a circle until the call is complete, then returns.
Finally, the waitress announces, Darl, you have a fax coming in. Darl gets up, and backs slowly toward the machine, rips off the page, and returns to the booth.
Blake looks at Chris and says, "I understand the part where Darl habitually cooks the numbers and spins a tale, but what was that last thing?" Chris says, "Oh that? He'll never ever face the fax."
(:) 2004, the Tubby Nuisance Network.
"All wrongs preserved."
Hahaha! (Score:1, Funny)
SCO announces a new hire! (Score:3, Funny)
Re:They may be right. (Score:3, Funny)
Assume infinite area of the universe (quite possible), but only a finite number of inhabited planets.
Therefore, the population density of the universe is 0, so any people you see are the result of a deranged imagination.
Since the population density of the universe is 0, the population of Earth is 0. Therefor, humans do not exist, and Linux, humans' creation, cannot exist.
Re:OT .. Re:Misleading Graph (Score:2, Funny)
Now these are funny:
A scientist was riding around with his wife in a steamer trunk when he stops at a police roadblock. The policeman comes over and explains to the scientist that they are searching all buggies because of a recent theft. The policeman asks him if he would mind opening the trunk. the scientist complies and immediately the policeman draws his weapon and screams, "Sir, you have a dead woman in your trunk!" Schrodinger replies back, "Well, *now* she is."
------
and in juxtaposition to the Nieztsche joke:
What do you call a man chewing on his palms?
Jesus biting his nails.
(it's better done visually)
- if this doesn't get posted I ask why is it ok to make fun of atheists or agnostics (Nietzsche joke) and not to make fun of christians?
answer: because christians kill people over jokes.
woo hoo that was funny.
Re:They must not! (Score:3, Funny)
Obviously you never realized that SCO doesn't actually have a product. And the code for this non-existant product has been copied into a non-existant piece of software from a parallel universe..... or something...
Mathematical Proof of Non-Existance (Score:4, Funny)
We know from the FSF that Linux = GNU/Linux
Multiplying both terms by Linux: Linux x Linux = Linux * GNU/Linux
Simplifying: Linux^2 = GNU
Since Linux is a kernel, it stands to reason: (Linux Kernel)^2 = GNU Kernel
or: Linux Kernel = SQRT(GNU Kernel)
Since the GNU Kernel is vaporware, the Linux Kernel cannot exist!
Skills for Darl's career change (Score:2, Funny)
One final tip that may save you lawyer fees: I don't think you can claim any IP over the process of deep fat frying or cooking ground beef.
Ritual suicide (Score:3, Funny)