Microsoft Developing Linux Policy, Plan of Attack

Lil' Bobby Gortician writes "This new MSNBC article talks about Microsoft's developing strategy to deal with Linux. They are actually getting some of their sales people certified as Linux experts, and say 1/10th of their test servers now run Linux. My favorite quote? "There's no set architecture in Linux. All roads lead to madness"."

Soon to be greatest sigg'd quote evar:

[bigdady92]

"There's no set architecture in Linux. All roads lead to madness" -Microsoft

I can see it now...

Aha!

[rde]

He's been at Microsoft since college and rattles off techie jargon like value proposition and customer sat (short for satisfaction) like any seasoned Microsoftie.

Techie jargon? I think I've found Microsoft's problem.

All roads lead to madness?

[Noryungi]

Sure.

And this should be written on all boxes of Windows:

Abandon all hope, ye who are about to open this.

WinXP SP2, anyone? ;-)

All roads lead to madness

[Alien54]

So what microsoft is up against is a growing community of mad scientists, inventors, and other innovators in league against them?

I can imagine the cackling laughter now ....

MMMMWWWAAHHHH HA HA HA HA

Um, The Windows APIs?

[Anonymous Coward]

Yeah, there's a really startling lack of self-awareness in the statement that there's no set architecture to Linux and that all roads lead to madness.

Madness?

[nagora]

Yes, looking after a network of MS machines is like a real-life Little Book of Calm...

TWW

good advice for MS fans

[pohl]

I think Microsoft is setting an excellent example that happy customers (and fans) of Microsoft should imitate: learn everything that you can about Linux. Install it on your PC. Intentionally break your configuration just to practice fixing it. Install new hardware and figure out how to get it working no matter how much it seems like torture. Find free equivalents to software that you would normally run under Windows, and live with them for a while even if it means sacrificing features or quality. Absorb as much of this knowledge as you can, and share it with your other Microsoft-loving buddies. And once you all are as conversant in Linux as are those people who are choosing it over Windows, you'll be able to more effectively lobby against it...beacuse you'll be armed with knowledge. Never mind that you'll be helping the Linux culture to spread. Hey, look over there...it's an angel, and she's giving away free bacon!

MS officially announces madness is now renamed...

[Anonymous Coward]

...windowsupdate.com.

Re:pattern

[Anonymous Coward]

"First they kill you, then they mummify you, then they put you on display in the Smithsonian, then you win."

Microsoft vs Rest of World

[shoppa]

"Linux is a different kind of opponent. It's not a company to bash, but a software movement with the backing of the entire tech industry.".

So now the whole world is out to get Microsoft. Isn't such paranoia a classic schizophrenic symptom?

Re:Innovation

[Anonymous Coward]

"The studies are generously referenced in an advertising campaign dubbed "Get the Facts." Can Linux really handle crucial areas such as security and e-mail?"

Yep Linux can't handle such things, but Microsoft can! Just look at their flawless track record.

"new feature"

[leperkuhn]

Heh, here's a good "new feature"

Allchin points to new features in the version of Windows due in 2007 that will allow users to remotely turn PCs on or off

My dear lord they are innovating at an exponential rate! Quite possibly next they will unleash "a pointer device cabable of interacting with the screen."

Re:Not so easily manipulated

[flewp]

And a genius would know how to spell ;)

It's a simple strategy...

[ayjay29]

Microsoft are just going to hire about 20 high-class escort girls and covertly target them at the most important open source developers. The costs involved in this strategy will be peanuts compared with the total devastation it will bring upon the open source community, which will be left completely defenseless.

They have already started a trial program [bbspot.com]. You have been warned.

Re:Microsoft vs Rest of World

[gnarlin]

Not when the rest of the world really is out to get them ;-)

Re:But also don't forget...

[MikeDX]

if MS decides to "nuke" IBMs Linux plans, trust me, IBM can "nuke" Windows as well.

With winuke.exe ?

Re:Innovation

[fubar1971]

We actually would record audio files and then transfer them to the Sun Workstation and play them remotely.

Nothing would beat the reactions of newbies in the lab when their workstation would seem to talk to them and say:

"Newbie, don't do that newbie".

Re:All roads lead to madness?

[Prof.Phreak]

---Where would you want to go today?

Well, madness of course!

Pointy stick! Pointy stick!

[clickety6]

Allchin points to new features in the version of Windows due in 2007 that will allow users to remotely turn PCs on or off

It's a 5m long pointy stick for jabbing at theon/off button - yay!!!

Quotes

[manavendra]

(warning: This is a inflammatory, trollish post. Mods, please mark it that way)

They are actually getting some of their sales people certified as Linux experts

So at least they will be expert in *something*. Some day these very skills may bail them out.

1/10th of their test servers now run Linux

Smart move then! Less down time, less security hassles...

There's no set architecture in Linux

So they accept there are architectures in Linux? Conversely, they acknowledge Linux is smart enough to have different architectures for different components/modules, and understands that an OS is not a straight-jacket one-size fits-all thing?

..All roads lead to madness

Which is why they are embracing that madness and studying it? ...

(aah, this feels good!)

even better quotes:

[randyest]

Linux at some point could be good enough to run home PCs.

Oh, we can hope, right? Holy cow that's nonsense.

Can Linux really handle crucial areas such as security and e-mail?

Yeah, email is tough. Maybe if we study OutLook really hard, we can make something so great . . . sigh.

"I just want the decision to be based on facts, not religion," says Taylor. "People are saying, 'It's not Microsoft, so it must be great.' Tell us what Linux does that we can't do. Don't tell us you're deploying Linux just because you can."

Well, one of the answers is one of the "crucial areas" mentioned above. I bet you can guess which one.

Microsoft is actively sowing uncertainty and doubt among potential Linux customers over who, if anyone, owns the intellectual property behind open-source software.

What, no Fear?

At a recent gathering of venture capitalists Ballmer went so far as to suggest Microsoft might own intellectual property in Linux and assured the audience that Microsoft would pursue any violation of its own patents. Before he spoke, a fire alarm went off. "It was eerily symbolic," says a venture capitalist in attendance. "We all scattered." Microsoft denies this, and says it will not litigate.

Ruh roh.

Windows group chief James Allchin accuses Linux of being a cheap knockoff: "There's no innovation. Linux is still in the business of cloning existing technology." Allchin points to new features in the version of Windows due in 2007 that will allow users to remotely turn PCs on or off, with programs still running. Searches will extend across all data like e-mail, photos, Word. "We're creating things," he says.

Undeserving of a reply.

Best Quote

[BrianWCarver]

From the article:

"Linux at some point could be good enough to run home PCs."

I'm sitting here with my fingers crossed, biting my lip, hoping for that day!

Oh, this message written on Debian Sarge, current uptime: 31 days, 12 hours, 35 minutes.

HA!

Work already on progress

[kilimangaro]

Allchin points to new features in the version of Windows due in 2007 that will allow users to remotely turn PCs on or off

The "off version" part of the project is code-named SASSER

I've not been keeping up with the news

[Anonymous Coward]

"just as Microsoft has gone through a wrenching transformation from a combative bully to a mature corporate citizen "

When did this happen? I must not have been reading slashdot on that day.

Talking points

[mdemeny]

What they really need is a Republican strategist to come up with talking points:

-Linux is a flip-flopper (is it command line or GUI? Could they make up their minds already?!)

-Eclipse sounds French. VisualStudio is a good, strong American sounding name.

-Linux starts with the same letters as liberal.

-These damned hippies always want a free ride (and they keep talking about 'free as in beer' - are they alcoholics?).

Of course, we at Faux News are only reporting on what other people are saying about the leftist-pinko-commie operating system. We're totally fair and balanced on the issue of non-patriotic, foreign-made, non-capitalist operating systems.

For Your Information

[pdamoc]

Microsoft already has a Linux version: MSLinux [mslinux.org]

Human stupidity

[rvw]

Einstein said once: "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." And I'm afraid he's right...

1984

[Anonymous Coward]

He claims to have shed a tear the first time he saw Microsoft's most recent TV spots featuring kids dreaming of being future astronauts and painters.

"Two gin-scented tears trickled down the sides of his nose. But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother." - 1984

Re:How many quit reading after...

[wraith0x29a]

I didn't get that far as the page did not display properly in Konqueror. Funny that.

Re:Pointy stick! Pointy stick!

[Kafka_Canada]

It's a 5m long pointy stick for jabbing at theon/off button - yay!!!

A finglonger?

A man can dream...

Re:Soon to be greatest sigg'd quote evar:

[maxwell demon]

I can imagine that Linux makes Microsoft mad :-)

Let's not degenerate into a political discussion

[A nonymous Coward]

Please, keep the prez out of this.

10% of Microsoft test servers run Linux!

[Anonymous Coward]

i think we should be thanking microsoft for beginning their migration to the GNU/Linux platform. i'm sure when they see the lower TCO, stability, and security of their GNU/Linux test servers, they'll move the rest of them over too!

is it unfair to have a headline: Microsoft migrates to Linux?

Re:"Architecture"!?!

[jrumney]

Yes, but they all run on the same architecture - i386. With Linux, you've got the confusion of ia64, ppc, sparc, mips and a whole lot more architectures to deal with. Research conducted by the Alex de Tocqueville institute shows that the highly qualified MCSE system architects of this world do not want to deal with this choice of architectures, and would rather have their decisions handed to them on a plate.

Stupidity beats greed.

[Anonymous Coward]

Any day, hands down.

There's simply no comparison.

Not everyone is greedy, not everyone can be greedy, even willfully. But the wisest of the wisest has its moment of foolishness.

There's a reason it is said "a fool soon loses his gold" instead of "a smart guy gets a fool's money".

Re:Innovation

[EnderWiggin99]

MS Bob comes to mind....

Re:But also don't forget...

[redog]

Yes, but the real question is who has more bandwidth?