SCO News Roundup 473
Bootsy Collins managed to combine all of today's SCO stories. He writes "The firm of David Boies, SCO's attorney in charge of their Linux IP cases, has
announced their compensation
(so far) from SCO: $1 million USD in cash, and $8 million in SCO stock. Keeping that stock price high until they can sell is clearly of some importance to
Boies, Schiller and Flexner LLP. Given the cost of
selling a $50 million convertible note to fund their legal actions, the actual cost to SCO is more like $17 million USD. Meanwhile, SCO CEO Darl McBride is saying that Novell's purchase of SuSE
violates a non-competition agreement reached when SCO bought the Unix source, and thus is legally actionable by SCO. Over at the Register, they've noticed that SCO's latest SEC filings indicate how firmly they're putting all their eggs in the legal basket: the filings effectively say that
'SCO has already lost business from its loyal customer base, and it expects to lose more.'
And finally, in response to a poor response to SCO's attempts to get Fortune 1000 companies to pay $699/server for 'Linux licenses' before the fee jumped to $1399, SCO has announced
that the $699 discount rate will apply to the end of 2003. Hurry before time runs out again."
Yeehaw! A roundup!! (Score:3, Funny)
Good news for SCO (Score:5, Funny)
Hope the lawsuit is successful and mormons from Novell are not allowed to outsource programming job to that German outfit.
If SCO gets Novell to cash out, that's great news for Caldera Linux users and at least one vendor found a sustainable business model.
Roundup? (Score:3, Funny)
Ticker Symbol (Score:5, Funny)
Linux written to compete with SCO? (Score:4, Funny)
I think Darl is going to have to prove that if he wants to enforce that no-compete clause in the contract.
SCO news is good news, or is it? (Score:5, Funny)
THANKS for being my source of SCO drama!
the dreaded SCO joke... (Score:5, Funny)
Attention all SCO jokes posters, get ready to update your jokes by the end of the year, thank you.
Bootsy! (Score:5, Funny)
Holy crap! Funkalicious bass lines and journalistic know-how? Bootsy, I hardly knew ye...
SCO license makes a great gift for the holidays! (Score:5, Funny)
What I like about this (Score:5, Funny)
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
Re:Bootsy! (Score:5, Funny)
Lawyer in a Box (Score:5, Funny)
The attractive feature of this software product is that it is bundled with a blue-suited lawyer-in-a-box.
Re:Ticker Symbol (Score:5, Funny)
offtopic, but related to your comment: I work for a local telco, and a while back, the president was giving us the annual vision shpiel. He mentioned that the local cable provider was going to roll out dialtone service in our area, and that "penetration by Cox" was something we had hoped to avoid.
It was all I could do to prevent busting out laughing, but nobody else seemed to catch it... sigh...
That should be trademarked man! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Linux written to compete with SCO? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Linux written to compete with SCO? (Score:5, Funny)
Next round of news:
1. SCO patents litigation as a business model; changes name to Tort, Inc.
2. Tort, Inc. (formerly SCO) files suit on over 4000 law firms specializing in personal injury and workers' compensation cases, claiming patent infringement.
3. Tort, Inc. sues US Senate and House of Representatives, claiming tort reform bills designed to threaten innovation and excellence in their product line.
Sweet! More SCO news! (Score:1, Funny)
Re:Ticker Symbol (Score:3, Funny)
The story of how this will end (spoiler!) (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Posts over time (Score:4, Funny)
Got a license as birthday gift... (Score:4, Funny)
What can I do to reverse this? I don't wan't to hurt my parents.
What will happen now since SCO knows my address? I don't wan't to get sued either.
Re:SCO (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Yeehaw! A roundup!! (Score:5, Funny)
Rollin', Rolling', Rollin',
Rollin', Rolling', Rollin',
SCOhide!
Rollin' Rollin' Rollin'
Keep the stock price swollen,
Keep them lawsuits rollin',
SCOhide!
Ignorance and Hubris together, Hell bent for treasure, Wishin' IBM was on my side.
All the things I'm missin, Source code, money and lawsuit dissmissin', Are waitin at the end of my ride.
Move em' on, Head em' up, Move em' on,SCOhide!
Cut em' out, Paste em' in, Greek em' out, Show em' off, SCOhide!
Keep movin', movin', movin'
Though their dissaprovin', Keep them Unix users groanin', SCOhide!
Don't try to understand them, Just Subpoena, sue and charge em', Soon we'll be livin' high and wide. My heart's calculatin', My new Rolls Royce will be waitin', Be waitin' at the end of my ride.
Move em' on, Sue em' up, Move em' on, SCOhide!
Cut em' out, Paste em' in, Greek em' out, Show em' off, SCOhide!
Move em' on, Sue em' up, Move em' on, SCOhide!
Drown em' out, Subpoena em' in, Cash em' out, Sue em' ALLLLLLL!!!, SCOhide!
Rollin', Rolling', Rollin', Rollin', Rolling', Rollin', SCOhide!
SCOhide!
Re:Oh, for the love of God... (Score:4, Funny)
Re:SCO (Score:3, Funny)
I'd say yes, definitely!
Me: Good day, you've called hell, Satan speaking!SCO customer: Er, yes, quite... Uhm... Well... My UnixWare server crashed.
Me: Hardware issues. Our software is so shit it doesn't cause crashes, just leprosy, STDs and the occasional appocalypse.
SCO customer: I... see... So, what do you suggest?
Me: How about replacing your hardware with something flashy? Tried using a Super Nintendo?
SCO customer: What's wrong with you!?
Me: I'm just out of maximum security prison after killing the last person who called me. Have you ever enjoyed the sound of a spinal column snapping? It's like music...
SCO customer: *disconnects*
Re:Ticker Symbol (Score:2, Funny)
Hey, do you have COX at Home?
What about COX on demand?
I hear you've been a customer of COX for many years...
There's a million of them!
Lawyer Compensation (Score:2, Funny)
NY tech stuff [homelinux.net]
Re:Yeehaw! A roundup!! (Score:1, Funny)
Re:Linux written to compete with SCO? (Score:3, Funny)
SCO has a core product?! Santa Cruz Operation had a product. SCO has litigation. The difference between the two reminds me of the old anti-drug commercial. Picture of Santa Cruz Operation's upper management, with a voice-over "This is SCO" followed by a pic of Darl McBride and Company, "This is SCO on drugs... Any questions?"
Completely wrong analogy (Score:3, Funny)
SCO is a malignant cancer. It needs to be surgically removed, irradiated, poisoned with Chemo.
Better things to do (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Bootsy! (Score:5, Funny)
I'm still waiting for George Clinton to weigh in. You know someone whose website [georgeclinton.com] has an intro that reads, "Welcome black, mellow-maggots, fellow-funkateerz, gangsta-tokeheadz and hippyfied-deadheads, to our brand spankin' nu cyber-haven-a-go-go!" is going to have a unique take on SCO.
Re:Sweet! More SCO news! (Score:3, Funny)
Then there are the special characters exclusive to each platform:
PS2: Linus (The Kernel Hack) and Tove (Royal Ass-Kicking)
X-Box: Stallman (The Hacker Song) and ESR (Bazaar Twist)
Cube: A Gnome (Foot Stomp) and the Ximian Monkey dude (The Evolutioner).
And then maybe on a non-US release version, Alan Cox (DMCA Twister) can show up as an unlockable.
Re:Lawyer Compensation (Score:2, Funny)
"So that would be $1 million then
No, that would be $1 million cash and $8 million in toilet paper.
Re:Yeehaw! A roundup!! (Score:4, Funny)
Re:SCO (Score:2, Funny)
> Let me guess. They wanted to pay you entirely in stock options?
Heh, shares in future lawsuits.
Re:Ticker Symbol (Score:5, Funny)
How much would you pay? (Score:5, Funny)
I'm holding out for the "Buy 1 licence get 9 free - Noncompliance Blowout Sale"
-Karma neutral, but you'd better stop looking at me..
Great article, but incomplete. (Score:2, Funny)
In an interview with Darl McBride later this day, the well-respected CEO of SCO also stated the following:
The arguments of IBM in this conflict are clearly pathetic. I have detailed information about the situation...which completely proves that what the IBM lawyers allege are illusions... They lie every day. The IBM lawyers, they always depend on a method what I call
When asked for his opinion about the non-paying individual users of Linux, he replied: "My feelings - as usual - we will sue them all..."
Re:Why must it always come down to this? (Score:4, Funny)
Slashdot and SCO == Microsoft and patches (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Bootsy! (Score:3, Funny)
Hello, Satan? Something was said on Slashdot today, and I'm just checking the weather.
Re:Good news for SCO (Score:3, Funny)
I can see it now
Judge: So where is your evidence that IP has been violated?
SCO: Your Honor. We cannot disclose this information otherwise everyone would know.
Judge: How can we determine if IP has been violated without any evidence?
SCO: Trust us your Honor.
I give it two minutes in court before it's thrown out.
Re:Ticker Symbol (Score:2, Funny)
"Feels good, tastes good. English cox".
Only saw it once.
Re:Ticker Symbol (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Ticker Symbol (Score:5, Funny)
Prior to the Clearchannel buyout, there were two major companies in my city that owned radio stations: Dix communications, and COX. So of course the joke was that there was nothing on the radio but a bunch of Dix and Cox.
The !real! story of how this will end (spoiler!) (Score:3, Funny)
It actually goes like this:
After Bill Gates declares himself "God of IT," the Master Authentication Server starts to consume all other pc's without anyone knowing. Those PC's become dumb terminals to the Master Authentication System. This continues on until one man write a small security program that checks all other programs for things like buffer overflows. This program becomes a part of the system, as the MAS consumes this last man's machine.
The MAS, realizing that it has run out of pc's to consume, then starts consuming humans by turning them into batteries. These humans believe that they are in some kind of virtual world, where they play games like 'lightbikes,' and 'catch the glowing ball while trying not to fall off of the very thin floating discs.' Eventually, all but a small portion of mankind is enslaved.
As time goes on, a new instance small security program is created, but it thinks that it is human. This small program then proceeds to attack the system through the massive numbers of buffer overflows, making it appear that this program has Godlike powers. He moves incredibly fast, flies around, and makes his lightbike break that stupid blueish wall boundry.
The humans notice him, and start thinking that their dreams feel more real than when they're awake. They start to question the system, all the while the MAS is sending out security programs to try and stop these people from the realization. People start to drop out of the system, and fall back into reality.
The reality that they see is rather bland, it is a lot more colorful than the virtual world was, and they notice that it's texture and bump-mapped too. There's a whole bunch of boxes around where they're sitting, and some sort of headset with goggles attached. Some people put the headset on and get trapped back in the system, but then immediately pop out of the system. They start to develop traits like the security program that freed them, but not as great.
These people then go to the MAS headquarters in Remond, Microsoftdom. The constitution of the ancient land of the United States appears to have been used as wallpaper, but then painted over multiple times in varying hues of bright orange, blue, and red. They notice that the MAS computer itself has a plug, it didn't have the physical capabilities of producing anything. They pull the plug, and immediately the rest of the world pops out of the system.
Some of the people die of shock, they were really pissed off because they were just one ring away from beating the computer in 'catch the glowing ball while trying not to fall off of the very thin floating discs.' Most of the people rejoice at the enhanced graphics of this world, and start to understand the nature of copulation again.
In the end, the sky is blue, the grass is green, people are laying around naked, and the world is free of SCO and Microsoft forever.
ah what the heck (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Ticker Symbol (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Boycott SCO customers! (Score:2, Funny)
What, both of them?
I am worried about the SCO lawyers (Score:2, Funny)
Re:The historical importance of SCO (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Ticker Symbol (Score:3, Funny)
I mentioned this to my girlfriend and asked her if she'd like a job at Arcelik (as an arcelikker perhaps). She replied that she'd prefer one that involved Koc Holding.
True story.
HH
--
This is great! (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Yeehaw! A roundup!! (Score:4, Funny)
Oh Darly Boy,
The pipe, the crack pipe's calling,
As once again, our stock is on the slide,
It once was high, But now the price is falling,
So pack a case because its time to take a ride.
Oh IBM,
They looked like easy targets,
We thought they'd fold,
And pay us just to go,
And then their lawyers tore us all to pieces,
And now this single crack rock's all that's left of SCO.
So light your pipe,
And recollect the good old days,
When whorish analysts hung on every word,
Because at last, your business rep is ruined,
And everybody knows,
You're just a stinking turd.