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best pepper? (Score:5, Funny)
Nominating for hottest pepper: the Chocolate Bhutlah
Nominating for the Darwin Award / funniest video (of guy eating said nominated hottest pepper): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OvdjBtw-XbE
Re:Depends on the dish (Score:5, Funny)
PROTIP: If you have a significant other, do not chop habaneros by hand in the afternoon so that you and your significant other can have a nice bowl of chili on a cold winter's night before snuggling up and... well, it got awkward from there.
Protip: EYES (Score:5, Funny)
I'd been known as the guy who liked spicy food in my group. One day I came in, and there was a pepper sitting at my desk. One of those bonnet ones, though I didn't know that until I found it on Wikipedia. Anyway, I started nibbling it lightly, and it was sweet with a bit of spice. Then I ate the whole thing, and, yes, it was pretty darn hot. I wasn't dying, but it was definitely hot enough to make me sit up and take note. And, yes, my eyes began to tear.
So I wiped them. With the hand I'd been holding the pepper with.
Any semblance of nonchalance immediately left the building as I writhed in pain while simultaneously running for the sink to wash them out. Screw the burnt *finger* teaching best...
Re:Depends on the dish (Score:5, Funny)
Another protip. Don't switch you 2 year-old daughter's nappies an hour after cutting chillis either.
Re:best pepper? (Score:4, Funny)
Re:best pepper? (Score:5, Funny)
My friend was in a restaurant where a diner was complaining LOUDLY that the curry was not hot enough, and the chef didn't know how to cook.
The chef emerged from the kitchen with a bottle of clear liquid and a spoon.
"Your curry not hot enough sir? That's OK sir, we can make it a bit hotter if you like sir. I can put some extra heat in sir. Here sir, try this and see how much you think you need."
Hands teaspoon of clear liquid to customer.
Customer (egged on by drunken mates) sips liquid.
Customer is carried out of restaurant by his friends—to the applause of the rest of the patrons!
As the chef returns to the kitchen, my friend intercepts him and asks what is in the bottle.
"Pure Capsaicin. We use it to make the curry as hot as we need to" says the chef with an evil grin.
Re:for the pepper masochist... (Score:4, Funny)
SCO are a measurement of degrees of patent trolling. "That bullshit Linux case was well over a million SCO units!"
The unit you want is SHU.
Re:Protip: EYES (Score:5, Funny)
Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:
“Recently I was honored to be selected as an outstanding Famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy, and besides they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.
Here are the scorecards from the event:
Chili # 1: Mike’s Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway with it. Took me two beers to put the flames out. Hope that’s the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
Chili # 2: Arthur’s Afterburner Chili
JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I’m not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to walkie-talkie in 3 extra beers when they saw the look on my face.
Chili # 3: Fred’s Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.
JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.
FRANK: Call the EPA, I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting shit-faced.
Chili # 4: Bubba’s Black Magic
JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Sally, the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300lb. bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I’m eating.
Chili # 5: Linda’s Legal Lip Remover
JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
FRANK: My ears are ringing, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. @#ck those rednecks!
Chili # 6: Vera’s Very Vegetarian Variety
JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!
Chili # 7: Susan’s Screaming Sensation Chili
JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
FRANK: You could put a @?%#ing grenade in my mouth, pull the $#@!ing pin, and I wouldn