Giant Penguins Once Roamed Peru

Douglas Roberts points out as "obvious Linux fodder" the coverage of a study just published in PNAS claiming that, on fossil evidence, giant penguins once stalked the plains of Peru. One species goes back over 40 million years and its members were as large as modern king penguins. They were warm adapted. Members of another species, 30 million years ago, stood 5 feet high and made their living spearfishing with their 1-foot beaks. Here's an artist's impression.

I for one blah blah

[Mikachu]

I, welcome, overlords, etc.

Now that that's out of the way, we can actually have a serious discussion about this

(just kidding)

Re:I for one blah blah

[ozmanjusri]

Now that that's out of the way, we can actually have a serious discussion about this

Is it ok if we imagine a Beowulf cluster of them first?

Re:I for one blah blah

[Mikachu]

Of course not, my mother died that way, you insensitive clod!

Re:I for one blah blah

[laejoh]

In Soviet Russia a Beowulf cluster of Giant Penguins roam you?

Re:

[zobier]

I believe "In Soviet Russia a Beowulf cluster of Giant Penguins imagines you once roamed prehistoric Peru" sums it up best.

Re:I for one blah blah

[remmelt]

I call BS! The earth is not older than 2000 years, so man and astroman and dinosaurs and now giant penguins roamed the earth TOGETHER! In harmony!

Re:

[jellomizer]

You know even the most crazed Bible Nut who realizes the world is over 2,000 years, Just due to the fact that Jesus was around 2000 years ago, and people have been alive before him.

I wonder how they taste

[wiredog]

with Hot Grits.

This proves it...

[phagstrom]

Linux predates Microsoft's patents.

I guess there is no way we're going to have a serious discussion on this subject.

Re:

[Aqua_boy17]

It would certainly explain this http://www.livinginperu.com/news-4132-peru-bill-ga tes-present-inti-raymi-festival-peru-cameron-diaz- not [livinginperu.com]

Re:

[jamstar7]

I, welcome, overlords, etc.

Now that that's out of the way, we can actually have a serious discussion about this

(just kidding)

But do they run Linux????

But foolishly, expecting serious conversations on /. is about as likely as hitting the Lottery. Possible, but not bloody likely.

End of the line.

[Funkcikle]

Obviously the end result of an unpopular fork.

Re:End of the line.

[Tatarize]

That's it. It's over. Evolution has jumped the shark.

Re:

[tsa]

I bet CowboyNeal killed them all.

Re:End of the line.

[Funkcikle]

Nah. Just Bigpengian was deprecated in favour of Littlepengian.

Re:

[DarkSarin]

that is just bad...

seriously, just stop.

Re:

[1u3hr]

They're not dead. They're pining for the fjords.

Re:

[Anonymous Coward]

I kept trying to warn them about bloat, but nobody listens to a lowly AC.

Giant Ancient Penguins are Linux fodder?

[suv4x4]

We're hopelessly desperate, aren't we.

Damn.

Re:

[Cozminsky]

Yep, this was neither humorous or linux related. Not saying it wasn't slashdot worthy, but please.

Re:Giant Ancient Penguins are Linux fodder?

[Ngarrang]

This is clearly a case of too many Penguin distros for the ecology to support. Once Mother Nature focused her efforts on few variations, she was able to increase the usage of the remaining distros.

Re:Giant Ancient Penguins are Linux fodder?

[jamstar7]

We're hopelessly desperate, aren't we.

Starting to look that way.

Know any good sites I can bittorrent a life from?

Stalked ?

[kgp_crap]

Stalked the plains of Peru ?? WTF ? Penguins ? Hunting what ? Wilder beasts ? At least the article says that they just 'roamed' the deserts .

Category?

[Savage-Rabbit]

Stalked the plains of Peru ?? WTF ? Penguins ? Hunting what ? Wilder beasts ? At least the article says that they just 'roamed' the deserts .

I think you should keep in mind that the category this story was filed under is: 'Slashdot :: Entertainment :: It's funny. Laugh.' before you get to excited.

Re:Stalked ?

[Anonymous Coward]

Hunting what ?

Tiny polar bears. Those penguins could eat several per day.

Re:

[Wookietim]

I get the mental picture of packs of giant penguins, roaming the deserts of Peru. Suddenly, the lead Penguin sees a pack of antelope grazing in the field ahead of it. Stealthily, the pack creeps up on them when - suddenly! 5 five foot tall penguins leap into action, running at speeds close to 1 mile per hour, and the kill is over - The Antelope will eat well tonight!

Re:

[dreamchaser]

Penguins *are* predators you know, but maybe 'waddled the plains of Peru' would have been more apt.

Re:Stalked ?

[jollyreaper]

Stalked the plains of Peru ?? WTF ? Penguins ?

Look, all I'm saying is anything big enough to hunt geographic features, I don't wanna fuck with it, ok?

Re:

[Ngarrang]

Stalked the plains of Peru ?? WTF ? Penguins ? Hunting what ? Wilder beasts ? At least the article says that they just 'roamed' the deserts .

Look at how surprised Microsoft was of the success of Linux. Stalked is the correct wording. *grin*

Re:

[Deadstick]

The Denver Post nailed the headline perfectly:

Prodigious Penguins Populated Prehistoric Peru

rj

Re:

[Tired and Emotional]

Yep - when your herd of giant penguins had passed, there was nothing left but stalks.

Re:

[rubycodez]

little beasties and billy-boys....to sodomize

Yes, but...

[Corporate Troll]

did they run Linux? ;-)

Re:Yes, but...

[RuBLed]

something that bloated could never run efficiently...

Re:

[MichaelSmith]

No they ran in HURDS

Re:

[tsa]

They were wary of Gnus, I bet!

Re:

[Zaatxe]

Penguins don't run, silly!

Re:

[jma05]

> did they run Linux? ;-)

Run, at that size with a waddle gait? No, they only 'roamed' Linux.

Crap

[xhydra]

"made their living spearfishing"
Oh is that so???

And in other more recent news fossil evidence found England has indicated that 60 million years ago
apples grew to a astounnding circumference of 2 metres...... Fodder for Mac-Fanboys

obligatory Monty Python

[mgabrys_sf]

First Old Woman: Well, what's on the television then.

Second Old Woman: Looks like a giant 5 foot tall prehistoric penguin.

First Old Woman: No No No not what's on the television set - I mean what programme?

40 million years?

[edwardpickman]

Linux has been around longer than I thought!

Re:

[StarfishOne]

Yeah, it was *huge* back then :P

More than 40 million years? Yes - 60M!!

[whitehatlurker]

According to this article [nationalgeographic.com], penguins have been around more than 60 million years.

Of course, this comes with the "well that's f'n obvious" tagline of "The oldest penguin fossils yet found suggest that at least some ancestors of modern birds survived the mass extinction that killed off the dinosaurs." Duhh. They're here now, their ancestors must have survived.

I apologize

[jmitchel!jmitchel.co]

Imagine a beowulf cluster of those.

suggested name..

[12357bd]

Let's call it BigOldLinus.

Re:

[xhydra]

1. linusaurus
2. Torvaldosaur

Shameless plug

[dargaud]

OK, anyone who wants some more penguin info can check out my sig and the associated FAQ [gdargaud.net]... I just want to add that this is not the first time that penguin fossils are discovered, and some larger than the Emperor penguins (actual largest species) are known.

about Penguins

[buitre]

for those who want to learn more about penguins check out this new book. http://www.harpercollins.com/books/9780060891268/S mithsonian_Q__A_Penguins/index.aspx [harpercollins.com] the author is one of the leading experts on penguins. Claus

Re:about Penguins

[Bill Dog]

I'm the other leading expert. All penguins do is waddle and shit.

Footprint too big

[weinrich]

Let this be a reverse-anthromorphic lesson to everyone in the Linux community: People care about size! Once your on-disk image gets too big (5-foot tall??) your fork will ultimately go extinct.

beowulf check, overloards check, oh you forgot...

[Anonymous Coward]

in soviet Russia, giant penguins roam you!

Re:beowulf check, overloards check, oh you forgot.

[Zaatxe]

Damn! I got here too late!!
There was even Monty Python reference and "did it run Linux?"...

Re:

[TapeCutter]

Nobody has managed to work Batman into the picture yet...

Re:

[nschubach]

I think you just did...

Re:beowulf check, overloards check, oh you forgot.

[nwbvt]

Don't forget:

1. Find ancient species of giant penguins
2. ???
3. PROFIT!

And:
Netcraft confirms that all giant penguins are dead.

And last but not least:
The last one was killed after Steve Ballmer threw a chair at it and swore "I'm going to f***ing kill the giant penguins"

Those were a lot funnier in my mind. And they weren't even very funny there...

Re:

[hotdiggitydawg]

The last one was killed after Steve Ballmer threw a chair at it and swore "I'm going to f***ing kill the giant penguins"

Actually, recent archaeological evidence suggests an alternate extinction theory, involving the catastrophic collision of Natalie Portman and a big bucket of hot grits...

Global Warming.

[Karganeth]

I have no doubt that these penguins no longer roam there thanks to man made Global Warming. We must immediately lower our CO2 emissions and cripple our economic growth.

Re:

[Atheose]

What is it about humanity that we feel the need to cram more and more and more stuff into the same space?

You mean basic natural instincts, that ALL animals have? Growth is a biproduct of reproduction, and reproduction is performed by, you know, everything.

Re:

[nschubach]

I don't know. I think it might be kind of fun to be small... even half my current size. Imagine the lower cost of a house only half the normal size. Heck, you could buy a full size house, double the floors and halve the rooms and you have a mansion!

Re:

[nschubach]

I say we replace CO2 emissions with Hydrochloric Acid emissions and see how the economy reacts.

Pingo Sapiens?

[edittard]

An upright posture frees the forelimbs from walking duties. Imagine if these had evolved to be tool users then tool makers. They might have developed computers, and an OS with a mostly hairless ape for a mascot.

Re:Pingo Sapiens?

[codeButcher]

Can't imagine anyone having Ballmer for a mascot......

Re:

[jb.hl.com]

Ximian were kinda halfway there.

Re:

[Himring]

And/or might've born a striking resemblence to danny daveto....

Way cool!

[Quiet_Desperation]

I'll take a dozen, please! :)

Can they be taught basic police dog techniques?

Or, better yet, martial arts?

I mean, you put a sharp metal edge on those... wings and you've got, well, something that rocks.

Hah! Marching Penguin Bladed Wing Attack! Pow!

Re:

[bmo]

"Or, better yet, martial arts?"

If you teach them Tae Kwan Leep, they can give BillG and StevieB a boot to the head.

--
BMO

Re:

[jimicus]

Marching Penguin Bladed Wing Attack! Pow!

Wasn't there something like that in one of the Street Fighter games?

Artists impression

[mrjb]

Because they were depicted as penguins the artist decided for black-and-white. However common these are as animal colors around the polar circle. If these creatures were adapted to living in a hotter environment, most likely they would have followed a color scheme that would better hide them from predators.

Or else they would have gone extinct. Oh wait. Never mind.

Re:Artists impression

[iHasaFlavour]

not neccesarily. They fished so the exact same colour scheme would have been effective for exactly the same reasons. Penguins are not black and white to protect themselves from land predators, but from sea based ones. Nor are they white underneath because of there being ice above them, since benguins that rarely go near iced up seas are also white on their bellies.

Aside from that, their primary defense in water is the ability to swim jolly fast, not hide. On land they wouldn't be able to get up to anything more then a frantic waddle. No matter what colour you are that's not going to be helpful. Escape to water is about the only thing that'd work.

Re:Artists impression

[nschubach]

On land they wouldn't be able to get up to anything more then a frantic waddle. No matter what colour you are that's not going to be helpful.

What if you were some sort of paisley patterned tie die color. Simply waddling might make the predator nauseous and vomit instead of chasing after you. ;)

Re:

[Vitriol+Angst]

Perhaps the artist looked at modern-day Peruvian Penguins, which are also black (to brown) and white;

http://images.google.com/images?um=1&tab=wi&client =safari&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&rls=en&q=peruvian%20peng uin [google.com]

Re:

[Quelain]

Black and white is a common colour scheme for all sorts of fishing birds. For example, some cormorants around here are black and white:

http://www.amonline.net.au/factsheets/little_pied_ cormorant.htm [amonline.net.au]

Re:Artists impression

[loic_2003]

"Because they were depicted as penguins the artist decided for black-and-white. However common these are as animal colors around the polar circle. If these creatures were adapted to living in a hotter environment, most likely they would have followed a color scheme that would better hide them from predators."

This is true; one only has to look at the herds of zebras floating on icebergs in the artic to confirm this is the case...

Re:

[mrjb]

Even seen a zebra on an iceberg? No? See how well those colors work to blend into the environment ;)

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Wow.

[CristalShandaLear]

...giant penguins once stalked the plains of Peru

But did they sing or tap dance to a Prince soundtrack or have Morgan Freeman, God Himself, provide narration?

Re:

[Farmer Tim]

But did they sing or tap dance

Indeed they did. That's why they had to die.

But were they of the electric variety?

[Devar]

I hope they were. Giant electric penguins.

See Ensign Oates' frank adult death struggle with the spine-chilling giant electric penguin...!

Oates looks up in horror, a shadow crosses him. Reverse shot of model penguin (quite small, about a foot) which lights up and looks electric. The penguin is close to the camera in the foreground and appears huge. Oates looks around desperately then starts to undress. Shot of penguin throwing tentacle. Half-nude Oates struggles with it. Intercut a lot of phoney reverses. Oa

They probably left

[Rik Sweeney]

when Cameron Diaz insulted them with another one of her bags.

better than giant balmers

[bl8n8r]

of course, a 1.5 meter tall Baldy jumping around the stage at a keynote doesn't seem very foreboding.

Star Control

[LSD-OBS]

They appear to be Pkunk. I wonder where their re-incarnations will respawn?

Cormorant?

[DarkRecluse]

Why does the larger penguin look similar to a galapagos flightless cormorant with an elongated beak? Plus the location would seem to fit...too bad I'm basing this entirely on an artist's rendering and not hard evidence like...bones.

Re:

[KokorHekkus]

You mean bones like the skull show in the very same photogallery as the artist's rendering? http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2007/06/ph otogalleries/giant-penguins/index.html [nationalgeographic.com]

This would have been more worthy of Slashdot

[niceone]

If the archaeologists had found some evidence of what distro they preferred.

But if you want to own one...

[clickety6]

.. you'll need a Giant Penguin License...

New distro

[owlman17]

Once they have a name for these giants, expect a new distro named after them. Hmmm, on the other hand, maybe we can name them after an existing distro.

Re:

[theguyfromsaturn]

We should start a Slashdot poll on to what distro name would be good. Red Hat penguins would be well suited if we found out they had some kind of red crest like rooster, hehehe. What other thoughts are out there as to the best distro name for the species?

Why so big?

[Anonymous Coward]

Why was everything in the past so big? Just about all the animals were bigger at some previous point.

Is this the natural selection process or something? Things start small then being big is an advantage so things just keep getting bigger and bigger until it collapses with a medium size winning out?

Re:

[Bloke down the pub]

I suppose that for intraspecies competition, big is better, i.e if two lions are fighting for territory (and lionesses) the big guy wins out more often than not. For interspecies competition it's not always the case - for one thing bigger often means slower, greater food requirements etc.

"Linux fodder"?

[idontgno]

SOYLENT LINUX IS GIANT PENGUINS!

lameness filter etc. leave it to slashcode to ruin a perfectly cromulent jokememe.

these days, however...

[nanosquid]

These days, however, giant squares roam the halls of corporate IT.

End of patent problems?

[FunkyELF]

Will this be the end of patent problems unless they find a window which is more than 40 million years old?

Was this a serious article?

[Njoyda Sauce]

I mean I couldn't make it past this gem:

The study also describes the first complete skull of a giant penguin, which provided a tantalizing glimpse into ancient penguin lifestyle.

That's almost sig worthy.

Yum yum

[HellYeahAutomaton]

1) Nuclear transfer DNA of giant penguins with existing penguins, and in several generations have %88 genetic compatibility.
2) Breed and let frolic 'free range'.
3) Stir fry.
4) ?????
5) Profit!!!
 

Miskatonic University's Paebody Expedition...

[Volatile_Memory]

...found the blind, albino relatives of these critters at the Mountains of Madness in the 1920's. I thought this was common knowledge.

v.m

Re:

[mikeee]

Which expedition also established that the penguins were tolerated by, or possibly pets of, the Old Ones.

[...]

It it just me, or does the Debian spiral look like a tentacle if you squint just right?

WOW - The symbolism

[cdn-programmer]

I always thought we Linux people picked the Penguin for our mascot because it lives in a tough world.

Five (5) feet high! This is a big bird! So what is Microsoft's mascot? A fish perhaps?

Nobody expects the penguin inquisition!

[Tatisimo]

in fact, our two main weapons are sharp long beaks, disgustingly cute builds and Linux zealots who'll keep us alive in their folklore till kingdom come! Three, that's three...

Guess you'd call that...

[Deadstick]

...a Magnum Opus.

rj

All of the body parts would be enlarged

[PaulTheSamurai]

"He vould have an enormous schwanzstucker."