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Microsoft Segments Linux "Personas"

Posted by kdawson on Mon Mar 19, 2007 10:02 PM
from the facts-based-dialog dept.
RJ2770 writes "Microsoft has started a project for their partners to help identify the personas of different Linux users in an attempt to sway them toward Microsoft products. In addition to the web site there is a podcast on the market research behind the project, again directed at Microsoft's selling partners."
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  • by whoever57 (658626) on Monday March 19 2007, @10:04PM (#18409859) Journal
    I guess MS can control /. and already knows that I won't be swayed, since I got a "nothing to see here message"
  • by Anonymous Coward on Monday March 19 2007, @10:10PM (#18409903)
    I want to vote on which one I am!
  • by theGreater (596196) on Monday March 19 2007, @10:11PM (#18409921) Homepage
    Under the "Application Driven" Persona Profile:

      - place application needs ahead of platform decisions
      - will support whatever platform best fits the application
      - application needs driven by business needs
      - very satisfied with current Linux installations

    So, remind me again how these bullet points help win AGAINST Linux?

    -theGreater.
    • by guisar (69737) on Monday March 19 2007, @11:20PM (#18410481) Homepage
      It's interesting, having watched the podcast and having recently attended an OLPC presentation, to compare and contrast. At the OLPC demo I was VERY impressed by the dedication and enthusiasm of the OLPC reps. Each and everyone was sincere and very focused on what might improve the PC. They were open to any and all ideas and very seemingly adept at both implementing good ideas quickly and removing cruft whenever it was discovered.

      The MS presentation was also very focused- in this case not on what might help the person do their job better or save them money but - how soon you could sell and what their potential revenue stream was. Yeah- the "zunecast" was a sales pitch but couldn't they at least have thrown in a bone about helping the customer?

      I experience it all the time. MS Fanboys are SELL, SELL, SELL. Every pitch is dedicated to SELL, SELL, SELL. So I get it- sales are important to a business but really, it's annoying. Right up there with telemarketers at this stage.

      • by PinkPanther (42194) on Monday March 19 2007, @10:30PM (#18410113)

        Not sure if "enemy" is the right word to describe a (hopefully) potential customer.

        This site is a sales tool to help sales folks penetrate into different environments where Linux has some level of establishment. Based on a set of simplistic characteristics (how ingrained is Linux? how risk adverse is the customer? are they frothing-at-the-mouth OSS-kool-aid punch drunks?), the tool gives generalizations as to the type, size and length of each opportunity across 5 broad categories.

        This type of tool is great for sales folks trying to get their heads around something they don't really understand. Right off certain approaches with broad strokes, and push the blue kool-aid instead.

        Where a lot of this falls down is the reliance of already-proven sketchy evidence (Get The Facts, TCO studies, etc...), and some overly simplistic anecdotal evidence ("Customers are already switching from Apache/Linux to IIS6/Windows" ; "Customers are finding that development with ASP.NET is quicker and easier" ; ...). The reason that the sales cycle is longer for some of the types is that either they are rabid OSS drones (medium-length cycle; note to sales folks - do a political end-run around the geek) or they actually have successful experience with the alternative platforms (longest cycle; note to sales folks - it is going to be a hard fight and a lot of the "sales tools" relied on for other profiles likely will fail here).

        • Re:Targeted survey (Score:5, Insightful)

          by Technician (215283) on Tuesday March 20 2007, @12:16AM (#18410851)
          Where a lot of this falls down is the reliance of already-proven sketchy evidence (Get The Facts, TCO studies, etc...), and some overly simplistic anecdotal evidence ("Customers are already switching from Apache/Linux to IIS6/Windows" ; "Customers are finding that development with ASP.NET is quicker and easier" ; ...).

          I looked at all the personas and found every one of them fell in the range of 25-28 servers with the exception of the Unix one at 31 servers. Looks like a limited market segment survey to me. The segmemt missing is the SOHO or Home Office where computing is dependant on applications such as Quicken and an Office product and web browser. TCO is a big deciding factor. Instead of upgrading from MS office 97 and such, we built a white box computer and put Ubuntu on it. As a bonus, for our graphics arts we use the Gimp instead of Photoshop. We don't need another copy of AV software. The software savings has paid for the hardware. To share files, we picked up a NAS using Linux. It uses an encrypted Reiser filesystem and we have put all our printers on stand alone prinservers. The NAS and Printservers are all Linux. Other than some drastic price changes, there is little MS can do to get us to be an all MS office. We can't justify the cost. One copy of MS office is expensive. 4 copies (main office, kids PC, & 2 laptops is a show stopper. Linux does the job with either ABI Word or Open Office and doesn't break the budget. It also works with newer MS office files sent to us. Office 97 doesn't display them properly if at all.

          When the adoption rate reaches critical mass where I can pick up a copy of Turbo Tax for Linux and Quicken will be the day MS stock has a bad day. There isn't many markets with more price concious buyers than the SOHO market.

      • by killjoe (766577) on Monday March 19 2007, @11:40PM (#18410625)
        The more they attack linux and open source the more make it legitimate in the eyes of the business users. They will never win that war.

        I suppose they tried ignoring it and it didn't go away so now there are no other options but still.
      • "Try actually reading the website "

        I did, it crashed my browser.
      • by DrYak (748999) on Tuesday March 20 2007, @05:09AM (#18411971) Homepage
        o The tree-hugger : Loves Linux because it's open source. Like to have freedom to access everything he paid for. He finds the concept of "you don't own the software, you own a license that enables you to use it" ackward.
        - MS may mention the Microsoft Shared source project, and the pacts with some government and military to share the source of select OS parts. ...but I think it'll be just as effective as the TCO / Get the facts

        o University shops : Ok, the campus discount prices are a good thing, but some work need highly customisable code to hack until it fits the solution. Also, lot of clusters running in the physics, biomed and math department. Plus, CompSci needs a OS freely hackable to teach OS programming.
        - MS may mention the MS-Shared source project (not interesting for CompSci they need OS source)
        or Pact with governments (out of University budget) or Windows CE custom kits (out of University budget due to number of seats) or MS Windows Cluster edition (not hackable).

        o The I WANT TO BE IN CHARGE Linux user : he bought, he wants to be in charge. He hates DRM and his worst dream is TCP.
        - MS May mention that DRM is needed for the market place, or go for the Jobs defense (I isn't my fault, the MAFIAA made me do it). They may try to show that MS can lead a game of cat and mouse chase in terms of format compatibility.

        o The "I want a standart format" OOo user : he want a well documented format, that he'll be able to open on other OpenDoc compliant softs and could store for long term without being affraid of un-supported / out dated / license-expired software.
        - MS should mention that their OOXML format is soon ISO standart too and has many features that lacks in... (Shut up ! 6000 pages is a joke)

        o The complete free ride : he wants to pay absolute 0$ for things that can be downloaded free. Preferably in a legal manner.
        - MS should mention that the beige box hardware came at a price.
        - MS should mention the cheap Starter Edition... ok we all know this one is a joke. Then MS should secretly point out that pirate edition of its software is widely available, and Genuine Advantage can be circumvented.

        o Google : They mostly use Linux to avoid astronomical license cost and to have customizeability.
        - MS should send Balmer to fucking kill them throwing chairs

        o The I don't play games guy : The single actual good argument for Windows is gone.
        - MS... is doomed.

        Seriously, to respond to this Linux community should focus on the main points Microsoft will never be able to compete with :

        - Free/Libre Opensource software : No matter what, what you got is yours and you're free to do whatever pleases you with it. You can even share those results as long as you comply with the license. With microsoft, unless you're a government or military, or if you buy (wads of cash) $ for a customisable kit (WinCE or Win XPe) you'll never be able to hack legally the OS nor distribute the modifications.

        - Every improvement of the OS technology done as a Master Thesis can be implemented for Linux (instead for some toy proof-of-concept OS) and if it proves useful, pass tests and is accepted by A. M., it can immediately be made available for all users around the world. You can't do the same stuff for microsoft products, or then you must work in the MS campus and your improvement will be sold as the next pay-for version of Windows (if it has the chance not to be scraped together with WinFS and all those cool features that were always promised and always postponed to the next version).

        - No DRM : You are the one in charge of you computer.

        - No per-seat price : You have on copy of Linux, you can install it on every one of the thousand computer in your shop, and let your users install it at their home, on their laptop, on their kids' computers, their neighbours', etc. With Microsoft even if you're a University with discount, you still have to pay a fee depending on the number of students, and only staff has the right to take home
  • The gloves are off (Score:4, Insightful)

    by The Bungi (221687) <thebungi@gmail.com> on Monday March 19 2007, @10:12PM (#18409923) Homepage
    I expect that for the next few weeks the majority of the "Linux community" will be on the floor foaming and making lame jokes about Bob and flying chairs.

    Microsoft is taking you seriously now - you better start doing the same thing.

    • by MightyMartian (840721) on Monday March 19 2007, @10:22PM (#18410039) Journal
      Microsoft has been taking Linux seriously for some time. That's why they underwrote SCO's bullshit action against IBM. Quite frankly, I wouldn't want to be the guy reporting to Ballmer "They reason they like Linux is because they think you're a lying, thieving fuck with anger issues."
    • by jkrise (535370) on Monday March 19 2007, @11:57PM (#18410759) Journal
      Okay.... I'll resist the temptation to talk about chairs, and start taking Microsoft seriously. I'm a Linux user in some MS category, and a marketing team from MS has flown down to my office from Seattle. What next?

      "I expect that for the next few weeks the majority of the "Linux community" will be on the floor foaming and making lame jokes about Bob and flying chairs.

      Microsoft is taking you seriously now - you better start doing the same thing."


      MS Team: We are very serious!
      Me: Shall I call an ambulance?
      MS Team: No no no.... we are very serious about you, a Linux user.
      Me: I see... take your chairs..... ooops take your seats and let's talk seriously.
      MS Team: We are serious about you. Which category Linux user are you?
      Me: I'm just a Linux user.
      MS Team: Are you an experimenter, follower, aficionado, transitioner or...
      Me: I'm just a normal Linux user.
      MS Team: Before we talk among ourselves in the presentation we must classify you. Why do you like Linux?
      Me: Because it works all the time, gets my work done, doesn't bother me with Genuine Updates.
      MS Team: But we are serious about security. Is Linux secure? Are you secure?
      Me: I'm very serious about my job security. I've been running this Linux server app for over 5 years, no problems till date... just user management and the odd feature upgrade.
      MS Team: We are serious about security. Did you know that the London stock exchange uses Windows Servers because of security?
      Me: How much did they pay for the servers?
      MS Team: We are serious about security. Hmm... let's see... just a few million quid...
      Me: My job will be gone if I bought your servers for 'security' reasons... what is this security you talk of?
      MS: We are serious about security... our server is so secure no one can break in... we'll be monitoring it ourselves to see nothing touches your server... only licensed signed applications will run... unlike your Linux box which runs everything.
      Me: Will it run my application?
      MS Team: We are serious about security. Have you got it certified by Verizon?
      Me: Nope... why should I certify MY program which I wrote with some XYZ comapny?
      MS Team: We are serious about security. How else can we know your app is not a virus?
      Me: But why would I write a virus on my own server?
      MS Team: We're serious about security. How do we know who wrote it? We've got to certify everything that runs on your server.... we're serious about security.
      Me: What if I perform some feature upgrades? Should those be certified as well?
      MS Team: We are serious about security. Every program has to be certified.
      Me: I'd be damned if I'm gonna send every bit of code to you guys for labelling.
      MS Team: We are serious about security. How else will you be secure?
      Me: Maybe because I believe in myself and my programming skills?
      MS Team: We are serious about security. Are you a certified programmer?
      Me: Nope.... but I'm sure each one of you is Certified.... idiots, that is. Now get the hell outta here and get yourselves certified again. Seriously!
      MS Team: We are serious about you, a Linux user. We are serious about security.
      Me: AAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • by jlarocco (851450) on Monday March 19 2007, @11:57PM (#18410761) Homepage

      Microsoft is taking you seriously now - you better start doing the same thing.

      Eh, fuck 'em. You can't stop people from working on software in their free time and giving it away.

      Not everyone cares about "beating" Microsoft.

    • by alienmole (15522) on Tuesday March 20 2007, @01:30AM (#18411215)

      Microsoft is taking you seriously now - you better start doing the same thing.
      Oh, please. Microsoft is in a desperate battle to hang onto its monopoly. Its revenues are at risk because its cash cow product lines have all long since hit maturity. And we should "take it seriously" why? Just ignore it, it'll go away.
    • by Foofoobar (318279) on Tuesday March 20 2007, @04:28AM (#18411827)

      Microsoft is taking you seriously now - you better start doing the same thing.
      Why? The 800-lb gorilla doesn't know which of the million gnats gnawing at its flesh to swat to make the rest of them go away. And all the swatting and thrashing it does only makes the swarm more aggressive.

      They tried to pass laws against open source which failed because too many enterprises use it. They tried (and continue to try) a FUD campaign which fails because too many people in the IT industry see the benefits vs the costs (both in downtime and in software price). They tried attacking through a separate company (SCO) but that failed and actually created a media storm for Linux and open source. Now with Novell, they are trying bundling with Linux.

      Microsoft doesn't know who, where or what to attack. For every foe they take out, another more innovative implementor arises. Could Microsoft have seen Ubuntu taking off? By the time they notice the threat, come up with a plan and act, it's already too late. The lb of flesh has been removed from their corpse. They act out of arrogance and in shows in everything they do as well as this latest campaign.
  • It showed a picture of RMS and said "Give up".

  • by NixieBunny (859050) on Monday March 19 2007, @10:14PM (#18409953) Homepage
    I work at a university using Linux for a distibuted telescope control system. There was nothing in the persona list about either universities or machine control. I guess we're safe from the Microsoft marketing megamachine for now.
        • by DeadChobi (740395) <DeadChobi@@@gmail...com> on Monday March 19 2007, @11:31PM (#18410549)
          You've just outlined the major reason that scientific programming is not done under Windows. When you're relying on your system to stay online for 3 days while it's compiling or running a simulation, you don't use something that crashes all the time or will restart itself or prompts you for updates, or may even interrupt whatever it is you're doing. The reason my school has a *nix lab is because we use it for scientific programming. It's not something the IT department seems to care about. We wouldn't even think of writing anything truly important for Windows.
  • by Mr_Tulip (639140) on Monday March 19 2007, @10:15PM (#18409963) Homepage
    #6: People who hate Microsoft, and would prefer to use an abacus to MS software (37% of slashdot users)
  • by FlyByPC (841016) on Monday March 19 2007, @10:18PM (#18409999) Homepage
    Linux users are, among other things:

    * People who like knowing what their computer is up to (kind of like motorheads for the information age);
    * People who don't like M$ deciding how their computers will work;
    * People who don't want to spend money when a more reliable solution exists for Free;
    * People who believe that competition is a Good Thing (tm);
    * People who resent being called pirates (at least without being able to make others walk the plank!)
    • by Technician (215283) on Tuesday March 20 2007, @12:30AM (#18410937)
      People who resent being called pirates

      They are broad with the term. If I retire my Dell PC and scrap it and put the XP OS on a white box replacement, I have Pirated XP.

      If I buy a Copy of MS Office for my personal use and put in on my laptop and desktop, I am a Pirate.

      A personal use site license is lacking in their EULA. I don't have either of those problems with any of my Linux installations.

      I can pick up a CD, Play it in my CD player, Rip it and play it on my PC, and put it on my MP3 player for personal use. MS made sure their products won't do that. Office won't run live on the CD. It fails WGA if installed on your PC and laptop. It's broken. Linux is not broken out of the box. The applications work if installed on your desktop and a laptop.
  • Missing persona (Score:5, Insightful)

    by jmorris42 (1458) * <jmorris@bea u . org> on Monday March 19 2007, @10:20PM (#18410009) Homepage
    What is a Microsoft sales troll supposed to do about the missing entries:

    FSF True believer: If it ain't Free it isn't an option.

    Disgusted Ex Microsoft customer: Experienced Microsoft products since they were in ROM chips and hasn't found one yet that wasn't a roach motel. Doesn't plan on wasting money on more of the crap until they manage to get several in a row right... i.e. never.

    Political MS hater: Hates evil corporations in general, believes Microsoft more evil than Exxon-Mobil, AT&T, IBM or the MPAA. Believes Microsoft is an unrepentant monopolist hellbent on enslaving the world.

    Then there is me, a little bit of all three. :) Come on, come try and sell me some Windows Server 2003 licenses.
  • I think I can help (Score:5, Insightful)

    by Weaselmancer (533834) on Monday March 19 2007, @10:20PM (#18410015)

    Here's my demographic.

    I'm a computer user who likes my machines to be as crash-free as possible. Failing that, I'd like access to the source code so I can fix whatever problems I perceive, rather than waiting for someone else to do it.

    Ok - that's my "Linux Persona". Now let's see you cater to me.

  • by straponego (521991) on Monday March 19 2007, @10:26PM (#18410075)
    I came up with a solution for them when Ballmer made his latest dismissive comment about Google, something along the lines of "They do search okay, and everything else they do is just kind of cute." It's true, Google is forever coming out with cute stuff, stuff that makes people say: "Oh shit, I'm gonna use that every day... thanks!" While MS comes out with stuff that makes people say "Oh thanks... I'm gonna use that every day? Shit!"

    Seriously, when was the last time MS came out with something that really got you excited, something elegant and useful?

  • April Fools? (Score:4, Insightful)

    by Psx29 (538840) on Monday March 19 2007, @10:29PM (#18410095)
    Is this a joke or is microsoft really that desperate???
  • Missing segment (Score:5, Informative)

    by elronxenu (117773) on Monday March 19 2007, @10:36PM (#18410145) Homepage
    I think their percentages are wrong.

    They forgot to list the segment of the population who hate Microsoft passionately - due to their business practices, their monopoly, their DRM, their lack of ethics, their EULA which forces you to give up your freedom of speech, their proprietary file formats, their Microsoft Word specifically, and perhaps more reasons.

    And then there are the people who believe that Linux has superior design, that the user is more in control of what the computer does, that linux is more virus-resistant, easier to work with and so on.

    I think Microsoft should divide all the "win over" percentages on their website by 10.

  • by cursorx (954743) on Monday March 19 2007, @10:55PM (#18410295)
    "Linux Experimenter" = Bi-curious. A bit dangerous, but let's not worry too much and just scare them straight.

    "Market Follower" = MS bitches. We own these fuckers!

    "Application Driven" = Dangerously misguided. Brainwashing might be needed, just to set them in order.

    "Linux Aficionado" = Stupid, hopeless nerds. Recommended solution: hire hitman.

    "Unix transitioner" = Head case. Keep distance.
  • Penguins (Score:4, Funny)

    by Tama00 (967104) on Monday March 19 2007, @11:05PM (#18410357)
    I like penguins, how can they cater to me?
  • Summary (Score:5, Informative)

    by Ankur Dave (929048) <ankurdave+slashdot@gmail.com> on Monday March 19 2007, @11:50PM (#18410701) Homepage

    For those too lazy to watch the presentation, here are the personas:

    Linux Experimenter
    Characteristics: "Tester" of Linux, willing to try Microsoft, Windows is the default choice for servers.
    Sales pitch: don't experiment, use Windows, it's tried and true.
    Market Follower
    Characteristics: Prefer Microsoft, risk-averse, don't really like Linux.
    Sales pitch: Windows is the best in the enterprise. Look beyond initial cost to maintenance and reliability.
    Application Driven
    Characteristics: Like Linux because it works and it's reliable.
    Sales pitch: more productivity and lower TCO with Windows.
    Linux Aficionado
    Characteristics: Believe Linux is just better.
    Sales pitch: lower TCO, more reliable, remember to avoid Microsoft vs Open Source.
    UNIX Transitioner
    Characteristics: Wants to take UNIX apps to Linux, not familiar with Windows.
    Sales pitch: IIS is more secure, better TCO.
  • by the_womble (580291) on Tuesday March 20 2007, @12:05AM (#18410797) Homepage Journal
    I thought MS already knew the personas of Linux users:

    1. Communists
    2. People who want high TCO
    3. People who are jealous of St Bill of Redmond's goodness
    4. Unwashed hippies
    5. IBM (see 4)
    6. Un-American people.
    7. Foreigners (see 6)
    8. Terrorists (see 7)
    9. Cancers
    10. People who think they own "their" computers and other anti-capitalists
  • haha (Score:4, Funny)

    This is hysterical. Not because it's stupid (it's not), but because of the sheer futility in trying to win over the "Linux Afcionado".

    Question: "Are you aware of Microsoft's Trustworthy Computing --"
    Answer: "You mean Treacherous Computing, don't you? I spit on your pathetic proprietary software!"

    And "Try to avoid the Microsoft versus Open Source software conversation and focus on specific workloads and IT pain points instead," by which of course they mean "give it up, you'll never convince these people; just beg to have them buy 'just one little server.' Make a frowny face when you ask."

    "Rely on Get the Facts evidence --"
    "Oh man, I read that bullshit on Slashdot. That TCO metric is a pile of crap --"
    (salesman turns and runs out the door)
  • by FranklinDelanoBluth (1041504) on Tuesday March 20 2007, @01:09AM (#18411109)

    I do not quite understand Microsoft's strategy here, for many reasons, which I'll try to enumerate logically. I am not trying to troll. I am trying to be objective, and when I do criticize Microsoft I do so purely academically, so please do not turn this into a flame war.

    1. Desktop market share: Microsoft has >90% of the desktop market, a number that I would guess might be higher in the business community (i.e. their strangle-hold on commodity computing). I really cannot imagine this slipping much more than 5% due to various factors: the high cost and lack of hardware options with Apple, the ease of use problems with Linux and Unix variants, the legacy DOS/Win9*/XP application base, employee familiarity with Windows, etc. As much as many may complain about Vista's shortcomings, there are really no suitable alternatives. Though many servers may be switching to Linux, I do not think that this will affect the desktop market, especially since there are many solutions for making Linux servers work with Windows desktops. Microsoft's bread and butter is not threatened, why the hard sell for a much smaller market?
    2. Weak server solutions: I aim for objectivity here, so please do not misinterpret me as a troll. Microsoft offers weak server products. Some of this may be attributed to its rebuffing of existing standards implementing all their server solutions with their closed, proprietary protocols (e.g. URIs vs. CIFS URIs, TCP/IP vs. NetBEUI, DNS vs WINS, Back slash vs. Forward slash, etc.). Not only does this ensure that their solutions will not work with those provided by any other vendor (which is a legitimate problem when one wants a service that Microsoft does not offer) but leads to new buggy code/half-baked standards/security holes as they reinvent the wheel.
      Further, the main buyers and users in this segment are not average users who need to use computers for nothing more than word processing, email, and web. They are power users who are well aware of the strengths and limitations provided by the different systems. They know first hand the problems of using Microsoft server solutions.
      If they really want to capture this smaller market (again, I am not sure why they would except for the pursuit of total monopoly), it seems that they need more than a new sell technique. Instead, they should develop their new programs and services to inter-operate with existing standards and systems. As they develop server solutions for power users, they'll win over the server crowd with their commitment to excellent products, not some new half-hearted add campaign, which many (such as the /. crowd) will see through.
    3. Virulently pro-OSS/anti-MSFT market: This is a different aspect of the previous point. Whereas Microsoft has objectively weak server solutions, there is a rather subjective opposition to Microsoft as a "Big, Evil Corporation" (TM). I am not commenting on whether this feeling may be right/wrong, but it is something they will to overcome (and I would argue with more than a selling campaign). Some moves of good faith (e.g. less restrictive computing, less aggressive anti-OSS talk from the CEO, etc.), to which Microsoft seems firmly opposed, could help "win the hearts and minds" of the server crowd much better than strongly stereotyped sell tactics for the Linux crowd.

    I know I do not have all the answers, but I think that Microsoft is getting everything wrong here. It seems that capturing the server market has a very small return when compared to the desktop market. Additionally, the cost of "doing it right" with inter-operability-centered design of new products while maintaining backwards compatibility would greatly reduce margin (e.g. look what happened with all the grand ideas of Vista). Nevertheless, if Microsoft is determined to win this market, they need to do so with more steps of good faith and less aggressive talk about intellectual property (happy, willing customers are

  • by steveoc (2661) on Tuesday March 20 2007, @02:28AM (#18411419)
    In other news, cigarette companies are profiling non-smokers to look for areas to expand their market share. They defined 5 distinctly different profiles of non-smokers who are targets for conversion. These coorespond exactly to the Microsoft categories.

    1) The Naughty Child (aka. Linux Experimenter)

    This prospect comes from a good god-fearing household where Mum, Dad, and his brothers and sisters all smoke regularly. As does uncle Jed who lives in the spare room. The naughty child would like to be more like some of the cool jock types at school, instead of the fat wheezing slob that he is, and has dared to do sports and things when mum isnt looking. He has futile dreams of owning (and riding) a bike for his birthday.

    Sales Pitch: Fat Chance kiddo ! Know thy place and respect thy parents !! Stop thinking and do as thou art told !! Inform the parents and resort to corporal punishment if required.

    ---oOo---

    2) The Lemming (aka. Market Follower)

    This prospect is always scared of offending people. Incapable of thinking for himself, the only reason he doesnt smoke at the moment is because its become trendy to be a non-smoker, and he wants to blend in with the crowd. Well hey buddy - its trendy to be gay as well !

    Sales Pitch: Blackmail works best on this one. These weirdos always have some skeletons in the closet, so dig around and find some dirt (or make some up), and threaten to expose him for the paedofile that he surely is ... if he doesnt start smoking. Remember - being Gay is trendy too !!

    ---oOo---

    3) Addictive Personality (aka. Application Driven)

    This person doesnt smoke, eats a whole lettuce every day for lunch, and goes to gym 3 times a week. What a wanker !! What this person doesnt realise is that its not the fitness thing that they are really into - its just a displacement activity to fill in their day, give them some sort of meaning to their life, and stop them from going nuts. Smoking offers a better and cheaper way out of this rut .. and something to fidget with during the day too.

    Sales Pitch: Point out the psychology of their 'health regime', and show them how cigarettes can fill the gap in the life just as well as a gym membership - only cheaper !! Deflect and embrace.

    ---oOo---

    4) The Know it all (aka. Linux Aficionado)

    This one is a pain in the butt. They are fit and healthy, and love to show off about it in front of other people. A lot of them are ex-smokers who have totally embraced this whole healthy-living crud as some sort of revenge trip against fast food and cigarettes that may have dominated their previous life. Pointless getting into an argument with this type ... they are incapable of rational debate .. just 'Being healthy is better, so there!!' is the best they can come up with.

    Sales Pitch: Avoid direct comparisons between cigarettes and other methods of lifestyle enhancement - just stick with facts, eg FACT: Cigarettes calm you down, which is good for your stress levels FACT: Smoking kills your appetite, so you eat less, loose weight, look healthier FACT: Smoking gives you bad breath and impotence, so your chances of contracting an STD are much less, etc.

    ---oOo---

    5) On the way to crack addiction. (aka. UNIX Transitioner)

    This prospect is already a regular user of speed and party pills, and is rapidly on their way to becoming a full time crack addict. Perception that plain old cigarettes just arent wicked enough for them, so they dont even give smoking a second thought.

    Sales Pitch: Restate the benefits - legal, easily available, and quite affordable in comparison. Sure, moving to crack would be a whole new lifestyle enhancement, but consider cigarettes as an excellent way to re-invent yourself as well. Point out movies where cool characters can be seen smoking. Offer them a free packet of smokes (secretly laced with cocaine and ground neurofen), and you just might have yourself a new friend !!
    • Re:Is this a hoax? (Score:5, Insightful)

      by hedwards (940851) on Monday March 19 2007, @10:17PM (#18409983)
      MS should really start by figuring out what is useful for their users, then for Mac/Linux/BSD/something else users want.

      I personally wonder at what point "innovation" was defined as get in the way of the two functions all ones users need. Just make an OS which is fast/efficient and doesn't throw up cryptic error messages regularly and I will be reasonably happy with whatever else goes on.
      • by wasted (94866) on Monday March 19 2007, @11:05PM (#18410367)
        If MS made an OS that was fast, efficient, stable, and supported the hardware most folks desired, there would be no reason for customers to buy the next OS when it came out. So, to support their business model, each OS has to be slightly behind for its time, either by speed, stability, or hardware support, so consumers have a reason to buy the next OS (or PC with the new OS) when it comes out.

        Or I could have this all wrong, and be corrected below.
      • by ScrewMaster (602015) on Monday March 19 2007, @10:22PM (#18410035)
        Hell, they can have their own Linux distro if they really wanted to do that too.

        "Your product must be validated before you can proceed. Click here to learn more about the advantages of owning Genuine Linux."
    • by MightyMartian (840721) on Monday March 19 2007, @10:26PM (#18410079) Journal
      For me it's more basic than that. I recently got a job and was plunged back into the world of Windows servers, and am now dealing with licensing issues whose only solution will be dropping money into Microsoft's pocket. I'm gonna be blunt, a lot of IT types like Linux because we don't have to worry about it. Add another user, workstation, server, whatever, and I don't have to plop down cash, or worse, have to go to my manager hat in hand and beg for more gruel to shove down Microsoft's mouth.
    • by ScentCone (795499) on Monday March 19 2007, @10:30PM (#18410105)
      Damn, this entire campaign sounds like one fucking sad attempt at trolling.

      Really? Because for years, I've been seeing posts and articles on slashdot that talk in terms of winning people over from MS to Linux. Unless that continually played tune is also trolling, then I don't think that MS trying to understand the different stripes of people that are (or might consider) using Linux is anything other than basic market research. Not all of the Ubuntu crowd may consider themselves to be "winning" someone away from Mandriva, but I'm sure that language gets used sometimes. Just like people in the Firefox camp often talk about winning a larger share of browser users away from MS.
    • by ultracool (883965) on Monday March 19 2007, @11:38PM (#18410605)
      1. The Gamer - Windows is a requirement to play most games, so it's the default OS of choice.

      2. Your Parents - they don't really know much about computers and will use whatever the computer they bought came with.

      3. Market Follower - M$ bitches.

      4. The Windows Enthusiast - these people are extremely rare. They actively believe that M$ products are superior to anything else out there and believe that if something is free, there must be something wrong with it.

      5. Scientists, Engineers, Professionals - use Windows due to vital software existing only on that platform.